One Last Word About the Pains of Being Pure at Heart, and Then I Will Never Blog About Them Again (Until Next Time They Do Something)

Basically, they're the Spice Girls.
So, the day after Friday night's Pains of Being Pure at Heart Show, I bumped into PoBPaH frontman Kip Berman at Cairo Gallery, where he insisted he was there to see fellow Slumberland Records band Brilliant Colors, who were performing with Olympia's deadpan dispensers of fine riffs, Gun Outfit. Clearly, he was really there for market research, a little cool-hunting to see what "the kids" were into these days (hint: cheap artificially lime-flavored beer and dolphin tank tops). Anyway, I cornered him and confronted him about the Pains/Pitchfork cabal's conspiracy to whitewash indie rock. Here's what he had to say for himself:

"[Collapse Board] is probably just jealous that they weren't invited to the market-testing sessions. We would be behind one-way glass, and we played two versions of the songs for a cross-section of middle Americans, using Maroon 5 as a control."

So there you have it straight from the source: market-tested, Pitchfork-approved.

(Stay tuned for our next investigation, in which we get to the bottom of what really happened on 9/11, with the guys from Vampire Weekend.)

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