Ragin' Asian: Rockaraoke, Jager Bombs, & Awesome Pick-Up Lines @ Tacoma's Jazzbones


Ragin' Asian: Rockaraoke, Jager Bombs, & Awesome Pick-Up Lines @ Tacoma's Jazzbones

  • Ragin' Asian: Rockaraoke, Jager Bombs, & Awesome Pick-Up Lines @ Tacoma's Jazzbones

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    People are waiting in line outside Jazzbones (2803 6th Ave.) like it's the hottest thing since Vegas' Tao Nightclub. The guys are rocking faux hawks and Ed Hardy shirts, the girls have on full makeup and stilettos. It's raining, the air reeks of cigarettes, and there's a gruff police officer lurking around the corner, warily glancing at the fast-forming crowd. But everybody's still willing to wait for 15 minutes on a cold street to get inside Jazzbones.

    We're in Tacoma. It's a Monday night.

    It takes much longer than it should for us to get our IDs checked and hands stamped because the bouncers are distracted in a major way--the girl in front of us looks like Megan Fox. Unfortunately, she knows it and looks simultaneously smug and disgusted when they act like buffoons.

    Inside, we learn that the Monday night specials are $2 High-Life, $3 Jager, and $3 Jager Bombs. Consequently, a majority of patrons are downing cheap beer and throwing back disgustingly sweet shots. But the real reason they're here is for the weekly spectacle that is Rockaraoke, a 9-close affair during which patrons can sign onstage alongside a live band and backup singers. The slogan: "No talent? No problem!"

    Weirdly enough, almost everybody that takes the mike is talented--or at least passionate enough to fool drunk people into thinking they're talented. We sit upstairs for a bird's-eye view and watch a 70-year-old guy with veneers and dyed brown hair rock Sinatra's "My Way."He's followed by a young woman who delivers such an awesome rendition of 4 Non Blondes' "What's Up" that we wonder why she's never been on American Idol.

    The non-singers are just as active, grinding to rock songs and slow dancing to ballads. A group of girls with thunder thighs and too-tight dresses shake their asses with visible pride when someone performs Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back." One gets so into the song that she begins miming the backup band's guitar and keyboard playing. She even pretends to play the saxophone--which looks stupid, because there's no saxophonist onstage.

    Our friend snickers and pulls out her iPhone to take a photo. A guy who looks like DJ Pauly D on MTV's Jersey Shore seizes the opportunity to come over and shout, "I'm trying to get laid tonight--do you have an app for that?!"

    She doesn't. But she - along with the rest of us - gets a kick out of it. It's the best line we've never heard in a Seattle bar. If there's ever an app for Jazzbones or hell, even Tacoma nightlife, we'll be the first ones to download it.

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