The general consensus on Auburn's outdoor music venue is that it sucks. (Its average score on Yelp: 2 out of 5 stars.) Getting there,


How to Survive White River Amphitheatre Without Going Postal

 The general consensus on Auburn's outdoor music venue is that it sucks. (Its average score on Yelp: 2 out of 5 stars.) Getting there, parking there, and getting out of there are all a huge pain in the ass. But hey, White River brings in some major acts that are worth seeing. So you can either bitch about lemons, or you can add your own tequila and salt to better the experience.

With KUBE 93's Summer Jam coming up this Saturday (Ludacris, Sean Paul, Akon, etc.), I thought I'd provide five pointers to surviving White River Amphitheatre without getting pissed off.

1.) Accept certain inalienable truths. There will be traffic.

It never ceases to amaze me that people get butthurt when they're stuck in three-hour traffic to White River. Everybody KNOWS that's what happens when you go to a concert here. If you just accept that instead of being surprised every time it happens, you'll save yourself a whole lotta stress.

2.) Play a cd of the act you're about to see.

I hate that stupid rule some people have about not listening to the band they're about to see. The fans blasting the band's album and singing along in their cars are always the ones that look like they're having the most fun in traffic. I saw No Doubt last week and was bummed that I had 2Pac's Greatest Hits and Lady Gaga's The Fame in my car, but not Tragic Kingdom.

3.) Make sure your phone is charged.

Call and text everybody you know! How rare is it to get three hours of idle time? I caught up with my mom, my sister, my friends from college... hell, I even updated my Twitter status multiple times.

4.) Flask it.

Okay, you're not supposed to. But $10 for a beer is just ridiculous. Luckily, no security guard wants to be accused of fondling a girl's boobs or crotch. So stuff that flask of liquor in your bra or panties and you're golden. Guys, go to White River concerts with girls. End of story.

5.) Bring blankets and pillows.

Perhaps the biggest complaint people have about White River is that it takes about two hours to get out of the parking lot. I watched as people honked their horns and wasted their gas while moving 0 MPH. The best alternative: Take a nap. I got cozy in my backseat with a quilt and woke up an hour later to an empty parking lot. Then I zoomed the hell out of there. See? Easy as pie!

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