Last Night: Beyoncé (and Red Wine Shortage) at Key Arena

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I thought it was a freak accident when the Tacoma Dome ran out of white wine during the Celine Dion concert. I was wrong. Last night the Key Arena ran out of red wine--20 minutes before Beyoncé even went onstage. "We're supposed to get more, but we haven't seen any," the woman behind the counter informed me. Damn. What is it about seeing a diva live that drives people to get sloshed off of $6.50 plastic cups of wine poured from a box?

Even more absurd were the signs posted all over Key Arena: "Per the tour's request, all bottle caps will be removed." (I couldn't figure out for the life of me why.) And of course, the request led to drunk people spilling their sodas which led to sticky floors. (I'm sure the clean-up crew were thrilled.)

Aside from the odd requests, it's understandable why everybody would be so riled up over Beyoncé's performance. The sexy siren's Seattle appearance was a sneak preview of sorts. She's now on the international leg of her tour which lasts several months. That means we're the only city in the country that got to experience the I Am... tour before this summer.

Let it be said right now: Beyoncé gives her fans exactly what they want. There are a lot of pop stars that in person have a far tinier physique and presence than they do on television. Beyoncé is not one of those pop stars. At 8 p.m. she stepped out in a billow of smoke looking like the quintessential diva. She was Amazonian in stature. And hands down she has most muscular thighs and ass I've ever seen on a woman.

The bootilicious singer zipped through a two-hour set that included songs from both Destiny's Child and her solo albums. But for the most part, she pulled material from her current album I Am... Sasha Fierce. And she killed it. Wearing a slinky gold sequined dress, she sashayed her way through "Crazy in Love." She somersaulted through the arena on a wire while singing "Baby Boy." She danced her way through a medley of Destiny's Child hits like "Say My Name" and "Bug a Boo." The singer's weave started to look a little lopsided after all that dancing and she tried in vain to fix it. "My Sasha Fierce is deflating," she joked after realizing there was nothing she could do.

The evening's flow was interrupted only when Beyoncé stopped singing her hit "If I Were a Boy" to do a cover of Alanis Morisette's "You Oughtta Know." I got a lot of hate from fans for saying it sucked. But I'm sticking by my statement. It's like when Simon Cowell tells Idol hopefuls that they could've been great had they not chose the wrong song. "You Oughtta Know" just ain't a Beyoncé song.

Fortunately, Sasha Fierce redeemed herself toward the end of the night with a soulful cover of Etta James' "At Last." The crowd erupted into cheers when the giant screen behind the singer showed several clips of Barack and Michelle Obama dancing. Soon after, Beyoncé wrapped up her show with "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" and "Halo." The former had the entire venue shaking as the ladies and gay men busted out their best dance moves.

"Seattle, I am... yours," Beyoncé announced graciously before retreating backstage. I was taken aback. The two hours flew by. And it didn't dawn on me until the diva exited that I was fucking exhausted. If you're planning to see the singer in concert, be prepared to do some serious dancing. And if you can't dance without a couple drinks in you first, well, you better get to the venue fucking early so you can snag yourself some red wine before it runs out.

 
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