Tonight's Show Suggestions

Leslie and the LYs, Stereo Total at Neumos, 8 p.m., $13.50, all ages

I once had deluded dreams of grandeur related to becoming an internet-based, chubby-white-girl rap sensation; but alas, Leslie Hall beat me to it, and based on her wicked stage presence and collection of metallic-based fashion, I'm not going to try and step to that shit. Indeed, Leslie and the LY's are capable of delivering one of the hottest dance parties you'd never expect from a large woman in even-larger glasses and a gold body suit. "How We Go Out" will bring endless pleasure to anyone from a small town: "On the way to the club we pass a Dairy Queen / You stop cause you know it means so much to me / We take the back seats out of your minivan / Now we roll like a Hummer or a full size sedan..." I quiver in awe and embarrassment to think that I could have ever hoped to produce such a level of... well, awe and embarrassment. All hail Leslie! RAECHEL SIMS

Spinalcracker, the Hickmans, Bastard Child, Hooker Farm at Funhouse, 9:30 p.m., $5

I wasn't there when KD CockBlock, VikkiVegas, Tasty Pasties, J-sin, and Reak-o--the kids otherwise known as Hooker Farm--came up with their idea to start a tribute band to drunk perverts doing Rock-a-Rokie, but I imagine the conversation went something a little like this: (gurgle , gurgle, cough, cough) "Oh, man! D-do you know what would be sooooo funny?" (gurgle, gurgle, cough, cough) "Punk rock covers of super inane pop songs, except with lyrics mutilated by a fourteen channeling his inner Weird Al!" "MY GOD! That's exactly what I was thinking! Sweet. Would you pass the chips?" "Yeah. And so, ok, the titles will be things like, uh, 'Heaven is Four Inch Girth' and 'Hit Me with Your Best Shot (In The Eye).' Pfffst! "Bitch, you just made beer come out my nose." MA'CHELL DUMA LAVASSAR

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