This year I experienced the life-altering event of motherhood. It's both challenging and rewarding, somehow at the same time. It's nothing and everything I expected.


Sorry Y'all, I Ain't No Stage Mama : The First and Last Time I Comment on Anything Spears


This year I experienced the life-altering event of motherhood. It's both challenging and rewarding, somehow at the same time. It's nothing and everything I expected. One of the biggest surprises has been that my husband and I, who are average folks in the looks department have produced an extremely attractive child. I'm sure you're thinking that all mommies assume their baby boys are little Adrian Greniers in training, but in our case, it may be true. When it comes down to it, beauty is all math and our little guy with his big eyes, symmetrical features and already deep chin and cheek dimples has that fabled "golden triangle" that fits the current standard of beauty. Not to mention we can't take the kid anywhere without someone commenting on his appearance.

At first I thought people were just being nice, but now at seven months of age it's beginning to verge on the ridiculous. There isn't a time we leave the house when someone well-intentioned person doesn't coo over our baby and inevitably follow the praise of his looks with a comment on how we should get him on TV. It is of course flattering, but at the same time saddens me. When did our society begin to see attractive children as their parent's meal ticket? My husband is now one semester away from an extremely well paying career, I'm fortunate enough to be able to do something I enjoy, even if it's not exactly lucrative and all I need do is look at the current examples of piss-poor child star parenting to make throw up in my mouth at the mere suggestion that my kid go to work before his first birthday.

Holding this strong opinion, I was mortified then relieved to find Lynne Spears' book on 'Christian Parenting' was in the works and then has rightfully put on indefinite 'hold' . If this 'indefinite' hold is ever hilariously lifted, I'm proposing the following titles:

Fancy Crib vs. Future Crazy: The Pros and Cons of Child Bread-Winning

Momager: Put Your Pretty Baby to Work So You Don't Have To

Cash Cow: Sexing Up Your 'Tween for Fun and Profit

Disney Doll: Your Kid's Future in Corporate White Slavery

Jesus, Stop These Sperm: Praying for Your Period, The Biblebelt Barrier Method

I mean really, would middleclassdom have been so bad for the Spears family? Brit would have grown up a public school grad, (with presumably a C+ average) maybe been a cheerleader or homecoming queen and then it would have been off to a future as an attractive dental hygienist. A life where she could "sing" in church and no one would think she looked anything less than terrific after squeezing out back to back bundles o'joy. If what Britney possesses is actual talent, wouldn't it have been just as well realized at 23 as it was at 14? And as for the latest tabloid-fodder in the Spears clan, little Jamie Lynn, her teen pregnancy would have been coffee talk for local gossips and not headline making news.

The only thing that would in my mind would let Lynne off the hook, is to have confirmed what I have suspected to be true for sometime. Brit, Paris,Lindsey and crew are in fact CIA recruits and a well-trained unit of government agents selected to keep the public's mind off of our sad current political state. Sort of a Georgie's Angels thing.( In this senario, I figure it's Brit(Kelly), Lindsey(Sabrina), Paris(Jill), Nicole(Kris), Mischa(Tiffany), new recruit Jamie Lynn(Julie) and Harvey Levin as Bosely) Was it sheer coincidence Britney divorced K-Fed the same week Rumsfeld resigned? I think not. I'm woefully hoping everything these girls do, from their terrible records to exposing their Brazilians are part of a bigger government conspiracy and "Patriotism' Y'all", not just the result of the afore mentioned piss-poor parenting coupled with negligence and greed.

So when it comes to my little boy, I think I'll let all the benifits society reeps on those deemed attractive be enough.

Ohh, I gotta go... Hannah Montana is about to start......Happy New Year!

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