Christmas come early, folks: the Boston Phoenix has published its list of America's 100 Unsexiest Men. Every description is worth a gander; their comparison of FOX Commentatory Alan Comes (#48) to Rocky Dennis from Mask should give you an idea of the level of skewering here. There are several ranked men with Seattle connections in here -- Jack Abramoff and Randy Johson are back-to-back at 58 & 57. No-talent American Idol wuss Sanjaya Malakar tops the local list at #7 ("The class clown is operating under the delusion that he’s the class stud," says the Phoenix). And Bill Gates is in there at #78 ("Imagine how much of a nerd you have to be to negate the inherent sexiness of some $37 billion?"). But of great Northwesterners, the Phoenix reserves it longest rant for the Decemberists' Colin Meloy: "Pasty, dough-faced singer with a whiny, needling voice and overly ornate vocabulary. His band, the Decemberists, dress up in silly costumes and sing songs ripe with allegory, historical allusion, and literary pretension, evidently as a marketing gimmick to get people to listen to more NPR." Ouch.