Fox News Sets Record Straight: Santa Is White, And So Is Jesus

The other day, Slate published a story by Aisha Harris titled “Santa Claus Should Not be A White Man Anymore.” In the piece, Harris, a black woman, argued that the world might be a better place if we could spare nonwhite kids “the insecurity and shame that I remember from childhood” in thinking that Santa is an old white man.

She wrote: “Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, Santa is one of the first iconic figures foisted upon you: He exists as an incredibly powerful image in the imaginations of children across the country (and beyond, of course). That this genial, jolly man can only be seen as white – and consequently, that a Santa of any other hue is merely a ‘joke’ or a chance to trudge out racist stereotypes – helps perpetuate the whole ‘white-as-default’ notion endemic to American culture (and, of course, not just American culture).”

This did not sit well with Fox News’ perky Megyn Kelly. This morning, the lovely Ms. Kelly, 43 years old and whiter than fresh chalk, decided she needed to speak out:

“For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white,” the anchorwoman said with complete confidence.

“But this person is just arguing that we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we’re just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids.”

For good measure, the graduate of Bethlehem Central High School in Delmar, N.Y., also assured the little children of America that “Jesus was a white man, too.”

We can only hope that Kelly won’t be visiting Seattle’s Nordstrom stores over the holiday season, for spokeswoman Jessica Canfield assures us that a black Santa will be letting children (even white ones) sit on his lap at the downtown department store on Dec. 13, 15 and 20th, and at the South Center store on Dec. 18, 19, and 23rd.

Ho, ho, ho!

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