Shaped like the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey, Ronald is a neighborhood in Shoreline named Ronald, so there’s that. I’ll be honest—most of the obscure neighborhoods in this series were chosen simply because they have silly-sounding names, like Top Hat, Licton Springs, and now the silliest of all.
Ronald is barely a name for a man, let alone a neighborhood. But James T. Ronald was more than a man, he was the mayor of Seattle from 1892–94. Legend (HistoryLink.org) has it that Ronald allowed part of his property to be used for the Interurban line, constructed by his friend Fred Sander. One day Ronald noticed that the adjacent Interurban station had been named after him, and demanded that Sander change it, as he didn’t like seeing his name in public—odd for a guy who wanted to be mayor. Nonetheless, Sander refused like a jerkface.
And so Ronald’s wishes continue to be disgraced to this day. A subset of Meridian Park, it’s an area which houses Grill King Korean BBQ and Laser Tag Live (I’m writing this behind a bunker at the moment). It also has one more thing christened after Ronald—a park simply named Ronald Bog.
Let’s just call it now: Ronald Bog is the best name of anything in Seattle, and I mean everything, including bars, restaurants, and people. I’ve already put in the paperwork to change my name to Ronald Bog, because Ronald Bog makes decisions, he acts quickly without hesitation. All the guys want to be him and all the ladies want to be with him. Ronald Bog! OK, I’ll stop now. Sorry.
Sometimes you may catch someone sitting on a bench staring out into the bog. It’s probably because they just lost their children’s college fund at Ronald’s other distinct feature, Club Hollywood Casino. You know those casinos on 99 that you joke about going to with your friends, but then go by yourself because you have a gambling problem? This is that. Try the sushi.
Should you move here? How could you not? It has a casino, Korean barbecue, a bog (a nice bog as bogs go)—everything a growing boy needs. And rumor has it that if you write Ronald’s name on a building three times, he emerges from the bog and challenges you to a game of laser tag. —Ronald Bog
This is the final installment of our series looking at Seattle(ish) neighborhoods you didn’t know were neighborhoods. Send your complaints to firstname.lastname@example.org.