First Annual Agnos NBA Preview

Greetings, NBA fans! Today the magic begins, so without further ado, I present you with NBA quotations and anecdotes, and the thoughts they inspire in me about the league.

Riley once put a large bucket of ice water in front of him and told his team: "If you want to win a championship, you have to want it…" Stopping in mid-sentence, Riley plunged his head into the water and kept it there for several seconds, which turned into a minute, which turned into even more than a minute. His players sat dumbfounded, watching, until Riley finally pulled his head out of the water and finished his sentence: "…like it's your last breath."
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/dailydime?page=dailydime-060621

I recount this anecdote in honor of Lebron James, whose mailing in of last year's first half earned him plenty of negative press at the All-Star break...and a fresh set of legs with which to torment the Pistons in the Eastern Conference Finals. Among the reasons the Spurs win so many championships is that they haven't had a player average more than 35 minutes a game since the 2003-2004 season. Riley can want that breath as badly as anything, but the smart player's bringing some Scuba gear down with him, or the smart coach isn't keeping him down too long. It's a fine line between fresh legs and fresh out of luck, but somebody's gotta walk it.

I recount this anecdote in honor of Kobe Bryant, who always wants it like it's his last breath, and who would steal your last breath just to exhale it in your face, a useless shell, robbed of its nourishing oxygen. As Phil Jackson's apocraphyl tales of Kobe's artificially dramatic fourth-quarter high school heroics suggest, perhaps more than any other player, the man who calls himself Black Mamba has learned to pace himself while still being in position in the end to make the kill. Of course, that kill can also take the form of a tank-job aimed at showing his teammates and everyone else what he thinks of the Lakers front office.

Finally, I recount this anecdote in honor of Mike D'Antoni, one of the few mustachioed white men left in the league, a guy who constantly looks like a 1980s businessman who didn't stay in a Holiday Inn last night. Mike wants it as badly as anybody, and here's hoping that his experiment in letting the Suns' players run, improvise, and think for themselves produces a championship, if only to inspire other teams to do the same, and to shut up all the clowns in the announcers' booths who continue to insist that the 1990s Fratello/Riley model of bang and grind is how titles are won. (Note that Riley never won a title with his thug ball teams.)

About halfway through the 70-minute workout, Bucks assistant coach Brian James told the players he wanted them to "put the ball on the floor," meaning take a dribble before shooting. Fesenko was first up, and after taking a pass near the baseline, he softly set the ball on the court and walked away looking puzzled as if to say, "Why did you want me to do that?"
http://www.detroitbadboys.com/archives/2006-06-16/kyrylo-fesenko-is-a-funny-guy/

Now that he's finally in the league, here are some other coaching commands I'd like to see Fesenko execute:

—Take your man backdoor.
—Put a body on him.
—Seal him.
—Give him a pump before you go up.
—Try an up and under on him.
—Throw it down, big man.

(I picture Larry Brown reading the above story and literally vibrating at the thought of a big, physical center who interprets his every command literally. Larry's glasses are slipping down his nose as he shakes his fists and chants "Right way! Right way!" the way Beavis would chant "fire!")

As we celebrate his brilliance and when you talk to Boris Diaw, what a classical human being he is. It was 201 years ago today that Beethoven's Symphony #3 in B-flat, which escorted in the Age of Romanticism...and when I look at Boris Diaw, I think of Beethoven and the Age of the Romantics. This guy has got it all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSZS6sRVWsk

I provide this quotation in honor of Bill Walton, who said it (there is likely little I can say that will change your opinion of him one way or the other), and in honor of his second favorite player in today's league, Boris Diaw. Here's hoping Boris spent the summer balling rather than beigneting---there are few things more depressing than watching a young player eat his way out of stardom.

Other individuals and eras I'd like to hear Bill compare: Larry Brown and the Spanish Inquisition.

Garnett and Pierce organized a team outing to the early-season Patriots-Chargers game. "Those guys are stars, and they could have easily taken their own limos," says rookie guard Gabe Pruitt. "But they rode over with the rest of us in a bus."
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?page=mag-celtics&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab6pos1

Either Gabe is showing his youth or I am ignorant: I've always believed that large SUV's---usually Escalades, but occasionally other models---are the preferred method of transportation for NBA ballers, stars or not. True story: walking down Seattle's 1st Ave. last April, I saw a Yukon Denali with spinning rims idling in front of El Gaucho Steakhouse. "Hey, spinners!" I loudly announced to my friends. As I did so, I saw that the passenger window was open, and I was looking across the empty passenger seat at none other than a wide-grinning Rashard Lewis, or, as my friend Camp Jones calls him, RaCharmin' (ever softening—now comes in Ultra! Have fun, Magic fans---5 rebounds a game never cost so much.).

By contrast, this summer, the aforementioned Kyrylo Fesenko asked his agent to find him a car in the $3,000 - 4,000 range. "I am not actually NBA player right now, and I'm not really good driver. I need something cheap that if I get some problems, it wasn't so bad on my soul."

So even ballers can deny themselves luxuries at times, and personally, I was moved by the unselfishness of the Celitcs stars. On Thursday, I will attend the Sonics-Suns game, using my press pass for the first time. After reading about how Garnett, Pierce, and Allen mingled with their people on the bus, I'm considering passing on the comp treats and instead buying a soft pretzel, for which I will wait in line with you ordinary fans, who can eat cake.

Let the games begin!

Topics: NBA

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