Illustration by James the Stanton

Three Healthy Habits for Every Stoner

The stereotype of the shiftless stoner exists for a reason, but that doesn’t mean you need to buy into it.

If you are a regular smoker, you have probably had to deal with the stoner stereotype: the classic couch potato, belly bulging, face full of snacks, staring listlessly at a TV in a dim, smoky room. But, as more successful and active people “come out” as pot smokers, the stereotype is turning out to be mostly hot air. Still, the stoner life (#stonerlyfe) can promote some funky habits. Here are some suggestions to keep your highs healthy.

Fight the Couch Potato If there’s a flaw in many stoners’ health routine, it’s not getting enough cardio. Walking briskly for as few as 20 minutes a day can undo hours of smoking. But if being healthy isn’t enough motivation, consider this: When we exercise, our bodies release endocannabinoids, a naturally occurring form of THC. When they mix with your endorphins, they produce the classic “runner’s high.” Also, when we consume THC, our body stores it in our fat cells. During exercise we burn those cells, and the THC is released back into our system, getting us high all over again.

Along with diminishing your cardiorespiratory system, cannabis can disrupt your natural heart rate, mess with physical coordination, and slow down your nervous system—so keep your exercises simple. Focus on walking, using a treadmill or stationary bike, and plyometrics like lunges, skipping, and squat jumps.

If you’re still having a hard time motivating yourself, use getting high as the “carrot” to get yourself up and out. Roll a joint, pick a rad location, walk to it, then get high as a reward.

Tame the Munchies Is stoned snacking your weak spot? Here’s some good news. On average, stoners have smaller waists, less “bad” cholesterol and more “good,” and a lower BMI than the average American. Cannabis may even help regulate blood sugars. However, once high, we can make bad decisions, so prepare snacks in advance, choosing healthy options. Whether it’s fresh fruit or junk food, you’re going to eat it all anyway, so go for the good stuff. Popcorn is good for you, super-easy, and you can make it salty, sweet, spicy, or any combination thereof. Mangoes can actually enhance your high. You can also smoke before mealtimes, so the munchies and your natural rhythms go hand in hand.

Use Your Stoned Time Wisely Emotional and mental health are just as important as physical, and it is easy to get anxious, lonely, or depressed while smoking. Doing something with your hands or brain is a great way to utilize your high. Does your favorite strain originate overseas? Download a language app and learn to speak in your weed’s native tongue. Or pull out the art supplies and musical equipment. Make a trippy collage or weird tunes to express your lifted thoughts and feelings. If you want to feel super-productive, keep your hands and mind busy by cleaning your weed tools or organizing your smoking ephemera. Lastly, make sure you are getting high with a little help from your friends. Don’t waste your high on rando folks trying to bring you down; try to get lifted with people you love and care about, or at least people who are on a posi-vibe tip. Work it out with laughter.

stashbox@seattleweekly.com

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