What to Do About Her Slutty Friend?

Dear Dategirl,

My best friend is a slut. She’s 30, single, and will probably stay that way if she doesn’t keep sleeping with every guy who crosses her path. I’ve tried talking to her, but she told me I was out of touch and to drop it. I’ve been happily married since I was 22, and admittedly I didn’t have much sexual experience before that. I feel like she’s not getting any younger, and sleeping with 10 different men a year is a good way to get an STD or to wind up on the “Never Married” list. I know you probably think I should mind my own business, but I love my friend and I want her to find love.

—Slut-Adjacent

The day your best friend comes to you and asks, “Married Friend, how can I quit being such a ginormo ho-bag and find a man to settle down with?”  That’s the day you should give her advice. Not one second before that, though I’m sensing that crazy train has left the station.

Let’s get a couple things straight—30 isn’t even close to tragic-spinster age (if you even believe in such a concept, which I don’t), and 10 men a year does not a slut make. “Slut” is another concept I side-eye, except in its fun incarnation. If she were exhibiting destructive behavior—gobbling drugs, drinking like a crazy person, hurting herself (or others), or getting in trouble with the law or her job, that’s when I might sit her down for a talking-to.

You’ve been married since you were 22, which to many of us seems an incredibly early age to make such a giant commitment. I mean, at 22 I was delivering auto parts in New Jersey with a green double mohawk and a boyfriend in the brig. Thank God I didn’t marry that dude. How would you feel if people were constantly questioning the validity of your marriage because they felt you were too young to know better? It would be pretty infuriating, right?

Your friend is an adult who is out having fun, meeting new (naked) people, living her life. No, she’s not getting any younger, but she still has quite a few years of fertility left (if babies are in her plan book), and hopefully her other friends are a little more fun than you are, O pious one.

In fact, I’m wondering if you’re maybe a little envious of your freewheeling friend? I’m sure you love your husband, but don’t you maybe sometimes regret spending your “hot years” trapped in a monogamous relationship? Instead of arguing over who ate the last spoonful of Chunky Monkey or trying to figure out what to do with your “bonus room,” you could be making out with a hot stranger on some sweaty dance floor. Doesn’t that sound even a little appealing?

You don’t have to answer that, but do try to open your mind just a tiny bit. Your friend will find love or she won’t. Tarting it up once in a while (and really, if you think 10 guys a year is slutty, my numbers would break your moral calculator) won’t hinder that hunt. Lighten up, lady.

dategirl@seattleweekly.com

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