Which would you rather be?

Beer Hunting

How to Start a Bargument

Nothing to talk about while enjoying a beer after a long day? Here are some suggestions.

Some of the best things about drinking beer with a friend are goofy—or sometimes very important—bar arguments. They can be rooted in the very real—like, should the Mariners have traded away Taijuan Walker? Or the bargument might be silly—like, would you rather be a gorilla made of Cheetos or a butterfly made of chocolate? (I mean, butterflies can fly. That’s huge and super-fun. But a gorilla is much bigger and stronger, in command of its jungle king- or queendom, right?) Here are some good bargument starters (with supporting commentary), on the chance you’ve run out of ideas to bandy about this evening.

Bargument 1: If Michael Jordan had never been born, the SuperSonics would still be in Seattle.

Point: Without Jordan, the Chicago Bulls wouldn’t have won the 1996 NBA championship against the Sonics, some 10 years prior to the team’s sale and move to Oklahoma City. With such a recent championship, the team couldn’t have been relocated by then-commissioner David Stern.

Counterpoint: Doesn’t matter. The sale was fated; Clay Bennett was getting the team no matter what. He had something on Stern!

Bargument 2: Milk is actually gross.

Point: Besides cats, no other species drinks another animal’s milk. Also, doesn’t milk always kinda taste warm to you?

Counterpoint: What are you talking about? Milk is awesome! Have you ever heard of cereal and milk? Or milk in your coffee? Or milk and cookies, Santa?

Bargument 3: Going out is overrated.

Point: One, it’s expensive. Two, I don’t like to be away from my partner for so long. Three, I always end up smoking cigarettes.

Counterpoint: First, that hurts, because we’re out right now and you basically just called it overrated. Second, how else are you going to keep up with what the kids are listening to?

Bargument 4: I’d rather be the Fremont Troll than the Space Needle.

Point: It just seems like much less to worry about. Yeah, you have a few dozen people crawling on you. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. But that’s it. And you’re original.

Counterpoint: ORIGINAL?! What’s more original than a rotating spaceship in the sky? It’s also the most famous thing in Seattle.

Bargument 5: The gorilla made of Cheetos versus the butterfly made of chocolate.

Point: Sorry, I had to revisit this. There’s just something about the crunchiness and the orange cheese dustiness that’s so enticing. …I’m hungry.

Counterpoint: Nothing is more elegant than little fluttering chocolate wings. I win!

beerhunting@seattleweekly.com

More in Eat Drink Toke

Union Saloon Bring the Wild West to Wallingford

There is an old-time vibe, but the food is clean and modern.

Striking a Balance Between Innovation and Tradition in the Drink Scene

In Washington, we must look back as we move forward.

The Marijuana Justice Act Provides Hope for Equity and Advancement

The legislation would steer the country in the right direction, away from the failed War on Drugs.

Seattle’s New Beer of the Summer

Move over Fremont Summer Ale. The Grapefruit IPA has arrived.

Digging Into the Medicinal Benefits of Cannabis Root

The least studied part of the plant may provide some of its greatest powers.

The Lakehouse Gives Seattle a Reason to Dine in Bellevue

Jason Wilson has upped the game in the city across the lake.

The Washington Wine Shadow

The popularity of our state’s wines has been an obstacle for other wines to enter the region, but that may be changing.

Your Parents Are Probably Smoking Weed

New surveys reveal that moms and dads across the country are toking it up more than you think.

Most Read