You know what we're talking about: Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis and his alleged use of deer antler spray (hell, he was even asked to relive a murder trial); the 49ers' Randy Moss boasting that he's the greatest receiver to ever play the game (let's not mention this to Jerry Rice); QB Joe Flacco calling it "retarded" that next year's game will be played in New Jersey, and of course, that young tattooed gazelle, Colin Kaepernick, who has this thing about deeply admiring his right biceps after a score.
So who will win this epic struggle?
Mike Seely is calling it for the Ravens, "simply because John Harbaugh, unlike his brother Jim, doesn't hang out with Stephen Baldwin and make Ann Arbor waitresses cut his steak for him." (Yes, The Daily Weekly has an unimpeachable source who knows this to be true.)
You are looking at this year's Super Bowl MVP
Dan Person is taking the Niners, and his reasoning is as powerful as a Frank Gore bolt up the middle.
"Since the Ravens brought football back to Baltimore, they've been a 12-man team: A defense plus a pro-bowl halfback. Everything else is perfunctory," posits Person. "It's a winning model, but one undone by top-tier opponents. The Denver Donkeys weren't top-tier. The Pats weren't either. The Niners, as has been proven beyond a doubt this playoff season, are, and will be the Ravens undoing.
Here's Matt Driscoll's very sagacious take: "It's hard not to love both these teams. I mean, on one side you've got the 49ers - who have the most obnoxious and goofy coach currently roaming NFL sidelines, not to mention an openly homophobic cornerback.
"And on the other side you've got the Ravens, who employ the league's only unibrowed Amish quarterback, a team that gets their inspiration from a man who beat a murder rap by keeping his mouth shut. It's hard to pick a favorite!
"That said, I think the Ravens will win, if only because I know it will irk Seattle Weekly's Dan Person and Ellis Conklin - two fans of San Francisco sports teams who've already enjoyed enough happiness this year thanks to the Giants World Series victory. Let's not get greedy, fellas."
Well put, Matt, but the writer of this post -- he who remembers as if it were yesterday "The Catch" Dwight Clark hauled in from Joe Montana on that magic January afternoon at Candlestick in 1982 -- is convinced that the 49ers will win their sixth ring, and by a rather comfortable margin.
And that, gentlemen, will have to serve as The Daily Weekly's consensus pick.
The Ravens will keep it close for awhile, but the 49ers' awesome offensive line will open holes wider than the Holland Tunnel for Gore and Kaepernick to rush through. The Ravens won't know what hit 'em. Michael Crabtree and Vernon Law will have huge days.
Sorry, Ray, party's over. Say goodbye.
The Final Score: 49ers 34, Ravens 24
MVP: Colin Kaepernick