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There has been no shortage of alleged criminal stupidity in 2012. From food fights to an alarming amount of public masturbation,


The Daily Weekly's Top 20 Stupid Criminal Stories of 2012

Creative Commons/Image Source
There has been no shortage of alleged criminal stupidity in 2012. From food fights to an alarming amount of public masturbation, The Daily Weekly has had no trouble highlighting some of this year's most bizarre criminal accusations. If it wasn't so disturbing, we might go as far as to say it's been fun.

*See Also: The Daily Weekly's Top Ten 'Listicles' of 2012

For your enjoyment, as the year draws to a close we've taken the time to compile 20 of the stupidest alleged criminal misdeeds as covered by The Daily Weekly. Did your favorite dumb criminal of 2012 make the list? You'll have to peruse to find out ...

20. Family Feud at Old Country Buffet


As reported on The Daily Weekly March 5:

On February 26, the two large families, around twenty people in all, were eating at Old Country Buffet across from the Commons Mall in Federal Way. It was Sunday after church, and the Perofeta family, including future victims Marcelus and Freddy, were sitting in the back dining room away from the general post-church crowd. They were dining with the Leapai's older sister and her kids.

The three Leapai brothers John, Joseph, and Peter came into the restaurant chatting with church friends when John saw Marcelus sitting in the back. John wasn't happy with Marcelus who, one of the Leapai's would later say, was "pimping out and abusing his sister."

The brothers had broken into his house before and messed with him because of this, so Marcelus, his family, and the Leapai's sister were already on edge when John tried to talk to his little nephew. Marcelus cut him off, John took it as an attack.

The second brother Joseph didn't like Marcelus interfering, so he stepped up started punching him. When Freddy Perofeta tried to help out his beaten brother, Joseph stopped using his fist and started using his knife.

Joseph pulled a Cutco paring knife out of his pocket and said "I'm going to kill you and your family." Family members tried to hold all the brothers back. Joseph, with his knife still in hand, broke free stabbed Freddy twice in the leg. John and Peter each weighed over 300 lbs (of muscle, not fat). So they used that weight to fight and push away anyone who tried to help, including their own sister.

Joseph moved on to Marcus, stabbing him once in the chest and slicing him on the head before a family member managed to get him in the arm with a steak knife. Pools of blood covered the floor and smeared the walls as Joseph stopped his attack, stunned by his bloody, lacerated arm. "One of them cut me with a steak knife!" he exclaimed as he ripped off his jacket. He looked at the wound and told John and Peter he needed medical attention. Someone shouted they'd called the cops and the three brothers fled outside.

Both of the families were fighting when police arrived. Officers caught the brothers in a parking lot trying to drive off. Joseph had the bloody knife tucked into his waistband. The banquet room was in complete disarray. Tables and chairs were flipped over. The floor was littered with food, broken plates, vomit, and bloody clothing. A huge pool of blood marked the floor where the Perofeta brothers were attacked. Nearby the carpet was soaked with blood from Joseph's steak knife wound and the wall had blood streaks on it.

Read the full story here.

19. Drug-Smuggling Underpants


As reported on The Daily Weekly Jan. 16:

According to a criminal complaint filed in western Washington federal court, Russell "Rusty" Symes, Michael Holley, and Donye Davis were nabbed in November by a Tacoma cop working with the DEA's "tactical diversion squad." Symes and Holley pleaded guilty last week to charges of conspiracy to distribute oxycodone, while Davis' case is still ongoing.

Court documents say an informant tipped off the Tacoma police last May that the 25-year-old Davis had "dealer quantities" of Percocet at his disposal. The snitch made two buys of several 30 milligram Percocet pills from Davis. Police arrested Davis, and he allegedly "repeatedly explained" that he and his housemate Symes were unemployed and sold pills for a living. He also told police that evidence would be hard to come by because business had been booming.

"You just missed the big drop so we only have maybe sixty pills inside our condo,," Davis allegedly said. "We only have a couple racks (referring to a couple thousand dollars) left in our condo that we we made from selling."

A subsequent search of the condo turned up several bottles of testosterone, a few hundred dollars, two pistols, three suboxone pills, and 1,225 oxycodone pills in a safe. They also found $4,000 worth of Gucci items, and an interesting pair of underpants.

According to the court documents, the cops found underwear that "had been altered so as to contain a pouch made out of duct tape, such as to facilitate the transportation of items through a security check." It's unclear whether the drawers in question were Gucci.

Read the full story here.

The alleged criminal stupidity continues on the following page ...

18. Facebooking Fugitive


As reported on The Daily Weekly April 9:

Who says just because you're on the run from the cops you can't update your relationship status on Facebook? Travis A. Nicolaysen, 26, is proving it can be done, on the lam since last Wednesday thanks to a parole violation, but still posting status updates to Facebook like it's going out of style (which it's apparently not).

As the Peninsula Daily News reported over the weekend, Nicolaysen - who is wanted by the state Department of Corrections for failing to check in with his parole officer since January - eluded officers and a police tracking dog during "two separate foot chases" last Wednesday and hasn't been seen (in person) since. Police say Nicolaysen was last seen near Waterfront Trail in Port Angeles.

While cops haven't seen Nicolaysen in the flesh, they've certainly seen his online identify - as he's continued to post to Facebook throughout his time on the run.

As the Peninsula Daily News reports:

Posts piled up even the day of the chase.

"Cops all over you," one friend posted on his account Wednesday.

Nicolaysen, 26, responded a few hours later with, "got away thanks bro."

The paper also indicates that Nicolaysen changed his Facebook relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single" shortly after his getaway.

Because, we assume, being in a relationship while on the run from cops is complicated.

Read the full story here.

17. Three Steel Reserves and a Stabbing

Steel Reserve.jpg

As reported on The Daily Weekly May 31:

No one wants to get stabbed. That's a given. But getting stabbed by your own knife, by your own wife, who just so happens to have had three 211 Steel Reserve malt-liquor beverages that day, adds insult to injury. Or, in the case of Arthur Smith, it adds insult to death.

The King County Prosecutor's Office officially charged 45-year-old Janice Marie Burrell on Tuesday with second-degree murder, stemming from the May 25 stabbing of 41-year-old Arthur Smith, who authorities say met his demise in the back of a green 1996 Honda Accord. Burrell's bail has been set at $1 million.

... a little after 10:15 p.m. on the night of the murder, investigators interviewed Burrell. According to charging documents, she was crying and had puffy eyes, and told police she had consumed three 211Steel Reserve beers that day - the last of which was downed just prior to the stabbing.

From charging documents:

Burrell immediately stated several times over and over that "he's always beatin on me;" "he's always spittin on me." Burrell said the argument began "last night" and said she told Smith, "I'm gonna do something real bad to you." Burrell told detectives. "I just got tired of it, I just snapped." She further stated, "I don't care no more; the nigga live or die." Burrell stated at one point Smith spit on her just prior to stabbing him but later stated the last time he did that was on 5/24/12.

Burrell said Smith told her just before she stabbed him, "Bitch, I'll kill you." She further stated just prior to stabbing smith he said to her, "Bitch, I do this to you, I do what I want to you." She state the knife she used to stab Smith belonged to him. Burrell said the knife had been in their bedroom and Smith gave it to her in case they need [sic] protection. Burrell said she had it in back pants pocket prior to stabbing Smith with it.

Burrell later stated during the conversation that "Karma is a bitch and he got what he deserves." She added, "I just pulled it out and I stabbed him. I just reacted on him."

Read the full story here.

The alleged criminal stupidity continues on the following page ...

16. Why You Shouldn't Knock a 10-Year-Old's Teeth Out at the Movies

Movie Tickets.jpg

As reported on The Daily Weekly May 23:

Almost no one likes paying an arm and a leg to go see a movie only to have a bunch of loudmouths ruin the experience. And you can count Yong Hyun Kim as part of this group. However, King County prosecutors say Kim let his outrage get the best of him recently during an evening trip to the AMC Theater in Kent.

Kim, 21, was charged last week with second-degree assault of a child, stemming from his alleged altercation with a 10-year-old boy on April 11 at the AMC Theater on Ramsay Way. Prosecutors allege Kim became so enraged a group of children sitting near him and his girlfriend that he lashed out and struck one of them - a 10-year-old boy - a blow that knocked out a tooth in the boy's mouth and caused his nose to bleed.

Charging documents in the case indicate police were called to the scene around 10:30 p.m. because of a reported assault, with police advised that the suspect was still inside the theater. When they arrived they contacted the 10-year-old victim and his mother in the lobby. The young victim described his attacker as an Asian male with long hair wearing a hat and 3-D glasses. He told police that the man had stepped over a row of seats, informed the group of friends that he paid a lot of money to see the movie, and then struck the victim in the face with a closed fist - causing the aforementioned injuries.

Read the full story here.

15. Alligators and a Stripper Pole: Things Every Marijuana Grow Needs


As reported on The Daily Weekly Nov. 27:

How do you know you've stumbled upon a classy marijuana grow operation? While it's debatable whether such a thing even exists, the discovery of two guard alligators and a brass stripper pole would surely be high on the list.

According to KING 5, that's just what Thurston County Sheriff's deputies found Monday night when responding to a shooting south of Olympia near Scott Lake.

As KING 5 reports, police were called Monday night to a shooting in the area involving a 41-year-old suspect and a 30-year-old acquaintance. The shooter, who was arrested on investigation of attempted first-degree murder, told authorities he fired in self defense, and the 30-year-old acquaintance was transported to a local hospital with what's described as "minor gunshot wounds." Police believe the altercation may have stemmed from a drug deal gone bad.

However, the real hook of the story is in what police unexpectedly discovered after responding -- a marijuana grow guarded by two alligators inside a home featuring a brass stripper pole.

Read the full story here.

The alleged criminal stupidity continues on the following page ...

14. Whacking-Off Dude Refuses to Stop, Tells Cops He's Almost Done


As reported on The Daily Weekly Nov. 16:

According to Seattle Police, authorities were called to an alley just south of Rainier Avenue S. and S. Ferdinand Street in Columbia City Wednesday after receiving a report of a man masturbating outside a neighborhood pub.

And when they arrived, that's exactly what they found.

Not surprising, I suppose, since SPD's Jonah Spangenthal-Lee notes the man is "known for his indecent exposure escapades."

According to the SPD "Blotter" blog:

Around 3:34 pm Wednesday, police got a call about a man masturbating in an alley just south of Rainier Avenue S. and S. Ferdinand Street, where officers found the 35-year-old suspect sitting on a stair case with his pants around his ankles, in the throes of self-flagellation.

When officers told the man to stop, he refused and said he was almost finished.

Wow. That's ballsy.

Read the full story here.

13. Man Allegedly Goes Berserk at Bowling Alley After Employee Refuses to Let Him Sing Karaoke on PA System


As reported on The Daily Weekly Sept. 28:

Bowling and drinking beer is supposed to be fun. But sometimes, especially when the beer becomes excessive, things can take a turn for the worse. According to prosecutors in Pierce County, that's exactly what happened Tuesday night when Christopher Clifford downed two pitchers of beer at Tacoma's Tower Lanes and then wanted to bust out some karaoke over the bowling alley's business PA system.

As charging documents filed in the case note, singing karaoke on the Tower Lanes PA system "is not allowed."

Authorities contend this rule was enough to set Clifford off, on a night that started fairly normal. According to charging documents, an employee at Tower Lanes says Clifford arrived at the business and began bowling and drinking beer - a total of two pitchers - before asking to sing karaoke over the PA system. The employee told investigators Clifford was civil until being told he couldn't sing over the PA, at which point "he became enraged and picked up and threw a table, breaking part of it off," according to charging documents.

Prosecutors say Clifford followed up his table throwing by hurling a racial slur at an African American patron of the bowling alley, before allegedly threatening to kill the boyfriend of the Tower Lanes employee on duty. Clifford then stormed off - allegedly kicking the bowling alley's glass door in the process and causing it to shatter. Prosecutors say damage to the table and door exceeded $750.

Read the full story here.

The alleged criminal stupidity continues on the following page ...

12. Teen Boy Allegedly Attacks and Gropes Yakima Barista at Stand Known for 'Five Dollar Hollers'

Moulin Brew .jpg

As reported on The Daily Weekly Aug. 13:

Authorities say a 13-year-old boy from Toppenish - a Podunk town south of Yakima on Interstate 82 - was patronizing the Moulin Brew coffee stand in Yakima early that morning when he let his emotions get the best of him and added to his growing and disturbing criminal record,

As the Yakima Herald-Republic notes:

[Yakima Police Lt. Mike Merryman] said the boy drove up alone in his mother's minivan and paid for coffee as well as "multiple" Five Dollar Hollers, at which point police say he crawled through the window into the coffee stand and began groping the lone barista on duty.

Police said the barista fought off the boy and grabbed a phone, prompting him to crawl back out the way he came and drive off south. A Yakima County sheriff's deputy arrested him about 20 minutes later after spotting the minivan on I-82 near Toppenish.

The paper also notes that law enforcement in the area is taking the case seriously in part due to the boy's existing criminal record, which includes recent charges of animal cruelty (stemming from an incident in which the boy threw a Chihuahua in the air and broke its legs), as well as the alleged attack of a 37-year-old woman earlier this year at a Catholic church in Toppenish (in which the boy allegedly attacked the woman while she was alone and groped her breasts multiple times before she was able to fend him off).

Read the full story here.

11. Community College Music Teacher Charged with Teaching Masturbating-Singing Lesson to Teen Student

sheet music.jpg

As reported on The Daily Weekly Jan. 3:

There are many exercises that one can practice in order to improve their singing capabilities. To our knowledge, however, none of those methods involve getting naked and/or masturbating.

Kevin Gausepohl, a 34-year-old music instructor at Tacoma Community College, is nonetheless charged with trying to convince a 17-year-old student otherwise.

The News Tribune reports:

Gausepohl allegedly told a Gig Harbor High School student he was conducting a study on how sexual arousal affects vocal ranges. The girl, 17 at the time, was attending the college as part of the Running Start program.She complied with some of his requests to strip naked or touch herself during private voice lessons at the college, court records show.

Gausepohl supposedly pitched his getting-naked-will-improve-your-singing idea to several students, telling them that "muscles are involved in the female anatomy to properly breathe and support the entire body," and therefore exploring those muscles might make for improved vocal range.

Read the full story here.

The alleged criminal stupidity continues on the following page ...

10. Two Allegedly Wasted Off-Duty Seattle Cops Arrested in Embarrassing DUI

DUI Creative Commons.jpg

As reported on The Daily Weekly Dec. 18:

Two allegedly shitfaced off-duty Seattle police officers were arrested early Monday morning after a suspected hit-and-run accident just after midnight near First Avenue and Lander. According to a writeup by Sgt. Sean Whitcomb on the SPD Blotter blog, police have "initiated the Office of Professional Accountability (OPA) complaint process," while both arrested officers - a male and a female - have been "reassigned to home."

And judging by the their respective breathalyzer results - a .161 and .149 for the male off-duty officer, and a downright belligerent .234 and .247 for the female cop - perhaps some hangover-nursing time at home is best.

As Whitcomb details in his Blotter blog post, a witness called police after seeing a woman driving a Nissan Altima with front-end damage stop and trade places with her male passenger - with the male jumping behind the wheel. The Altima then drove off, only to be discovered by officers doing an area search for the vehicle a few blocks away - at First Avenue and Brandon. When police pulled up, they say the Altima was running

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