PHOTOS: 15 Weirdest Recent Seattle-Tacoma Craigslist 'Rants & Raves'

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Looking For God mug.jpg
Trolling the Internet for weirdness can provide hours of entertainment. Here at The Daily Weekly, we should know; we spend an alarming percentage of each

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PHOTOS: 15 Weirdest Recent Seattle-Tacoma Craigslist 'Rants & Raves'

  • PHOTOS: 15 Weirdest Recent Seattle-Tacoma Craigslist 'Rants & Raves'

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    Looking For God mug.jpg
    Trolling the Internet for weirdness can provide hours of entertainment. Here at The Daily Weekly, we should know; we spend an alarming percentage of each and every day doing just that.

    *See Also: Photos: Washington People of Walmart

    And one of the goldmines of Internet weirdness comes via the Craigslit "Rants & Raves" section, where anonymous posters provide, well, rants and raves about subjects of all variety -- from heartbreak to politics to Subway commercials.

    Because it's Friday and we don't feel like working, the caged monkeys that power The Daily Weekly (read: me) have picked and photo-illustrated 15 of the most bizarre rants and/or raves from recent days and are sharing them unedited -- just as they were posted. Check them out below, and enjoy.

    In Response to a Query about Dildos and Buttholes

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    Yes it certainly can be if done carefully and properly. (your Buddies Liberalcumstain, Upton Poopville knew) Remember your butthole is designed for things to come out of it not really for things to go in. The secret is not to have a dildo that is too wide to fit in your butthole. For the average adult you probably don't want to try anything much more than one and a half to two inches across. That's because most adults pass turds that are about that size and your butthole is used to something that big holding it open. Five or six inches should be about the maximum length because it can be painful if it goes in too far. If you are a young teen you probably don't want a dildo more than about an inch to one and a half inches across.

    So - provided you are careful with the size, you lubricate both the dildo and the receiving butthole very liberally and you insert carefully and slowly it can be a fantastic feeling as your butthole gets opened and stretched and you feel the dildo going in. Be gental with each other and know eachothers limitations and you both should be fine oh and use plenty of lube.

    The "Rants & Raves" continue on the following page ...

    The Problem with Republicans

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    "REPUBLICANS" ARE THE BIGGEST THREAT TO AMERICA & THE WORLD!!

    The Republican Party is a menace to United States and the World! They lie, start wars, and generally cause chaos in the political arena!

    If they had worked with Obama we would be much further ahead economically, and unemployment would be below 5%. Republicans have hurt all Americans by their obstruction. It's time for all sane americans to vote them out of office in the mid term elections in 2014!!! Le't get

    started now and get these nut case bigots voted out!!

    God's Name

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    So I was just wondering if anyone knows what God's true name is? Not his many names but his one true name. I mean I have many names some nick names people call me by but dose God have one single name? Dose anyone maybe have a guess?

    The "Rants & Raves" continue on the following page ...

    The Trouble with Alcohol

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    can't imagine life either with or without alcohol. Looking for a sober sane person to chat with.

    Bears Fan Says Cheaters Never Win (Looking at You, Pete Carroll)

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    Get ready for your cheatin' coach to get his ass handed to him on Sunday. You guys never win away from home unless you play Carolina. Cheaters never win. Unless of course when they coach at USC.

    The "Rants & Raves" continue on the following page ...

    What's Four More Years to Upset Conservatives?

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    It's only four more years of a great president

    It's only four more years until the next election

    It's only four more years before get another chance

    It's only four more years of the majority's chosen candidate

    It's only four more years before you might be able to appoint a supreme court justice

    Oh, wait...That IS hilarious!

    The Internet is Full of Dumb Men

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    Why are some men so stupid as to use two different ages in the same personal ad? Or two ads obviously from the same person saying they are different ages. Smarten up guys, some of us can read and know that you must be of less than average intelligence. No wonder you aren't getting responses from anyone real.

    The "Rants & Raves" continue on the following page ...

    A Note to Military Spouses (Or Those Who Aspire to Such Heights)

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    I am placing this location in the Kitsap area, just because that is where I am stationed, but after over 20 years in the Navy, it applies EVERYWHERE....

    Are you looking to be a Navy Spouse/wife???? Here are some qualities you have to have or look forward to having:

    Can you push out at least three kids and make them look like they are raised on twinkies and ho-hos? Bonus point to you if one of them is concieved while your spouse is out to sea.....

    Are you able to gain and then maintain a weight greater than 50 lbs your ideal weight?

    Can you SQUEEZE your fat ass into a pair of Navy PT sweats and then proceed to walk you kids down the road to the mini-mart (probably in search of smokes or more twinkies?)

    Do you like to wear shirts that are too small for you so your belly hangs out the bottom.

    Please be able to wear both sweats and shirts listed above while you are in public (bras are optional especially since you think your fat tits make you attractive), especially when talking with your neighbors in navy housing. I really do love that as I drive by, especially if they are your 180lb husband's "NAVY" sweats and you pour your 250lb ass into them. SEXY!

    Do you look to count down the days when your husband will be gone to sea so you and the other trash can go to the local watering hole and whore it up with the guys on other boats or locals? I bet they know your spouses boat schedule better than you do, especially when you show up at the bar the next night....

    Were you raised in a trailer park and you miss the old days of kids running down the street unsupervised while their parents drink Schlitz and talk about NASCAR? Welcome to Navy housing......

    Are you looking to get out of your shitty ass hometwon, but can't get a job or go to school out of the area?

    Hope that you can maybe move to Europe and then find out that you are heading to Mississippi or Virginia?

    Do you look forward to bitching to your husband who is working 80-100 hours a week about how your not getting any attention, while you sit your ass on the couch and watch reality TV?

    If you can answer yes to just some of these, then being a Navy wife might be in your future. If you answered yes to all of them, then feel free to hang out outside the base. I'm sure some poor, pathetic bastard will pick up shortly.....

    Don't believe me? Here is a line from the movie Officer and a Gentleman: Foley: [Giving some "fatherly" advice to the newly-arrived male recruits] Not all the obstacles that can trip you up are on this base. Let me tell you something about the local girls. Ever since there's been a base here, there's been what you'd call the Puget Sound Debs. The poor girls come across the sound on the ferry every weekend with just one thing in mind, and that's to marry themselves a naval aviator. A Puget Deb will tell you, "Don't you worry about contraceptives. I've got that all taken care of." Don't believe it, sweet pea. A Puget Deb will do anything and say anything to trap you. I know this sounds silly, especially in this so-called modern age, but you scuzzy college pukes should watch out, because they're out there, and you, sweet peas, are the answer to their dream!

    "Navy Wife - Toughest Job in the Navy" - What a crock of shit....

    The "Rants & Raves" continue on the following page ...

    My Spouse Hates Me

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    I wish i had an outlet for all of this besides being the scum of the earth by airing mydirty laundry anonymously. I just want to feel loved and wanted. Tired of feeling like a chunk of meat that you think you can have whenever you like. You have a heart that Cant be broken. Everyone in your life can walk away tomorrow and you'd be ok with it. Me, your children, your parents, siblings all of us. I need more. I'm miserable in a marriage where I full fill only the job and functional role. I don't mind doing that. I love taking care of my responsibilities to make this family work. But I need more. I need to know and feel like you married me because you love me and want to be with me not because you need someone you can stand being around to "play house" with.

    I thought about cheating. Thought longand hard about leaving. I won't do either though because I don't believe in divorce and I don't want to live with the guilt of cheating. It's hard though. Sometimes I find myself surfing cl for what I could find may it be better or worse. Most of the m4w remind me of how fun the ltr dating scene can be. It helps me daydream about having a man who is happy to see me whence gets home from work, one that wants to do things withme outside of home besides going to Wal-Mart. Someone who won't buy everything that I want and equate it to making me happy. I want to cuddle, tickle, laugh, play, hug and kiss. I want something that will LEAD to making love rather than going to bed at night and told to take my clothes off.....

    I would understand....maybe.... if I had gained weight (but I'm not over weight in the slightest), or ugly, or a worthless hoe bag but you couldn't honestly say that I am not the brick and mortar that holds this family together. I just want to be loved and desired by my spouse. Is it really too much to ask?

    The "Rants & Raves" continue on the following page ...

    A Love Note to Sheena Easton

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    Damn, that woman could ooze sexy-ness! This has got to be one of the sexiest videos ever of a woman performer. The cool thing is that she is not wearing her sexuality on her sleeve like so many do nowadays. She just was!

    Life In the Fast Lane

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    Is it really legal to drive 70 mph on I 5 in the fast lane then make a illegal lane change to exit at northgate . No lights flashing just in a hurry? If your going to brake the laws your paid to enforce you shouldn't do it in a marked car fool.

    Cost-Effective Justice Through Lobotomy

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    Lobotomy verses lengthy prison or death penalties is arguably the human and cost effective alternative.

    Offenders could go home the same day with the abilities of store bought vegetables and arrive at a cost effective sense of justice.

    The "Rants & Raves" continue on the following page ...

    Love Sucks

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    I hate relationships......I just wanna shoot myself sometimes.....I hate it hate it hate it......why is it the people you love always hurt you the most?

    Homophobic Bigotry Via Craigslist

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    Just wait until all of the other perverts want their "right" to marry whatever they "want"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Men marrying boys!!!!!!!

    Women marrying girls!!!!!!

    All they need is parental consent!!

    Men marrying their dog, cat, horse, mule, cow, chicken or whatever they can poke their pecker into!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Women marrying their dog, cat, horse, mule, cow, chicken or whatever has a pecker that they can put in their hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And there you have it, will the wonders never cease!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The "Rants & Raves" continue on the following page ...

    The Problem with Subway Commercials

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    I HATE IT WHEN SUBWAY EMASCULATES MEN IN THEIR COMMERCIALS MUST BE A WOMAN DECIDING ON THE COMMERCIALS ? I HAVE VOWED TO NEVER EAT AT SUBWAY AGAIN SAME W/MY RATHER LARGE FAMILY

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