Twinkie.jpg
Dear Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, Ho-Hos, etc.,

You're fucking disgusting. But I'll miss you.

I haven't eaten one of you in a long time. The last time

"/>

The Day the Twinkies Died: A Love Letter to Hostess

Twinkie.jpg
Dear Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, Ho-Hos, etc.,

You're fucking disgusting. But I'll miss you.

I haven't eaten one of you in a long time. The last time I did, I was either stoned or 12 - I can't recall. But what I do recall is a time - not so long ago - when you reigned supreme. It was a simpler time - my childhood - when people didn't question the edibleness of treat-like concoctions available on supermarket shelves. A time when nothing was marked "organic" and no one passed judgment on a kid devouring a dayglo pink Sno Ball and washing it down with an RC Cola. It was an age of innocence and loose stool.

But now, with the societal realization that you were never really "food," and more importantly the news today that Hostess is calling it quits, I can't help but be filled with sadness. I can't help but reminisce.

The timing is terrible. I mean, we just legalized weed. It wasn't supposed to go down like this. Sure, we'll still have sloppy seconds with Little Debbie, but it won't be the same.

Will I miss eating you, Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, Ho-Hos, etc.? Not really. Like I said, you're fucking disgusting. But I'll miss having you around - miss seeing you handed out with Capri Suns after little league baseball games, and miss the period of American history and oblivious simplicity that gave birth to you - the good ol' days.

I'll miss what you represented: a time when anything was possible and there wasn't much to fear except a Cold War nuclear apocalypse and a second term for Jimmy Carter.

The American Dream died a little bit today.

Goodbye, Hostess. You'll be missed.

Follow the Daily Weekly on Facebook & Twitter.

 
comments powered by Disqus

Friends to Follow