Justin Bieber Mug.jpg
Bieber: "Why you gotta steal my shit, Tacoma?"
Yesterday over on Reverb Seattle Weekly 's Erin Thompson reported on the heartbreaking news that pop star

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The Top Four Things Tacoma SHOULD Have Stolen from Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber Mug.jpg
Bieber: "Why you gotta steal my shit, Tacoma?"
Yesterday over on Reverb Seattle Weekly's Erin Thompson reported on the heartbreaking news that pop star Justin Bieber had some of his personal possessions stolen during a tour stop in Tacoma Tuesday night. According to Biebs' Twitter account, a camera and a computer, containing "a lot of personal footage," was jacked by some dastardly T-Town thief. In referencing the theft on Twitter, Bieber busted out #lame and #norespect to drive his point home.

*See Also: McKenna Goes Gangnam Style'

And the world wept with him.

(And prayed for a forthcoming sex tape.)

It's undeniable: this thievery is unfortunate. As Seattle Weekly's resident Tacoma expert, many inside our shocked newsroom turned to me when the Biebs-robbed-in-Tacoma bulletin broke. With horrified confusion on their faces, everyone had the same question: "How could Tacoma do that to Bieber?"

Unfortunately, I can't answer that question. Who can? I mean, we're talking about Justin Bieber here.

#lame

#norespect

But while I can't speak for Tacoma, what I can do is provide a list of four things Tacoma SHOULD have stolen from Bieber.

Number Four: Bieber's Soft, Cuddly Side

Justin Bieber Sheen.jpg
Bieber: "Look at the pain in my eyes, Tacoma. You did this."

Tacoma is a hardscrabble town. It's the kind of place where a fresh-faced international pop star from Canada gets his laptop jacked. There's a reason Tacoma is known as Grit City. And while most Tacomans take no small amount of pride in the city's rough-around-the-edges history, perhaps a little Bieber softness would do Tacoma favors in its attempts to win over the outside world. I mean, a few more condos and a coat of youthful Bieber sheen could go a long way. At the very least, teenage girls would probably like Tacoma a whole lot more.

The list of four things Tacoma SHOULD have stolen from Justin Bieber continues on the following page ...

Number Three: Bieber's "Girlfriend by Justin Bieber"

Justin Bieber Girlfriend.jpg
Bieber: "Tacoma, your selfishness even took the fun out of selling perfume to teenage girls."

Right or wrong, Tacoma is known for a certain smell - the Tacoma Aroma. And while the smell of the paper mill no longer fills the air or chokes drivers passing by on Interstate 5, it's been hard for Tacoma to shake the Tacoma Aroma stigma. Perhaps, if the whole city smelled like the youthfully flirty "Girlfriend by Justin Bieber", things might be different.

The list of four things Tacoma SHOULD have stolen from Justin Bieber continues on the following page ...

Number Two: Bieber's Hair

Heavy Metal Parking Lot.jpg
These Guys: "Fuck Justin Bieber."

As Erin Thompson knows damn well, Bieber's hair has gone through a transformation of sorts. No longer a pubescent mop, these days Bieber rocks a more adult, Elvis-esque look that's fitting of a pop star of his stature. The Biebs is a trendsetter - hair included. And considering a surprising chunk of Tacoma is still donning hair straight out of Heavy Metal Parking Lot, stealing Bieber's hairstyle might be advisable.

The list of four things Tacoma SHOULD have stolen from Justin Bieber continues on the following page ...

Number One: Bieber's Heart

Justin Bieber Big.jpg
Bieber: "Honestly, Tacoma, I'm a little dissapointed in you."

You should have seen the tweens flocking to the T-Dome Tuesday night. It was insane. Literally insane. In this swath of pubescent excitement, one sign, carried by one teenage girl, sticks out in my memory: "JB Choose Me." Perhaps it's because the girl, and the middle aged woman accompanying her (who I assume was her mother), were wearing matching Bieber-themed outfits - right down to the purple "JB" baseball caps. How fucking devoted is that? And besides, did Bieber even try a sandwich from MSM while he was in Tacoma? I promise you, there's no MSM in Canada. Bottom line: If all was right in the world, Tacoma surely would have stolen Bieber's heart.

Perhaps Tacoma would have ... if someone hadn't jacked a bunch of Bieber's stuff.

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