As has become tradition, and just in time for the NFL season, yesterday Forbes released its annual list of the most valuable football teams in the league - with your hometown Seahawks valued at $1.04 billion. It's an impressive number, no doubt about it. But it only ranks 17th out of 32 teams.
Oh the embarrassment!
After the Cowboys, Forbes tells us the top five most valuable teams are the New England Patriots ($1.635 billion), Washington Redskins ($1.6 billion), New York Giants ($1.468 billion) and Houston Texans ($1.305 billion). The five least valuable teams are the Atlanta Falcons ($837 million), Buffalo Bills ($805 million), Oakland Raiders ($785 million), St. Louis Rams ($780 million, and the aforementioned Jaguars. For all the cheese heads out there, the Green Bay Packers - the league's only publicly owned team - ranks 10th, valued at a very respectable $1.161 billion*.
But back to the Seahawks - a team that's been in existence since 1976, has amassed a rather pedestrian 277-306 all time record (including playoffs and one poorly officiated Super Bowl), cycled through eight coaches, and proudly worn at least four questionable uniforms (plus one lime green atrocity). Valued at $1.04 billion, that means the Hawks have accumulated value at a rate of $3,754, 512.64 per victory in franchise history. For comparison purposes, the Steelers are worth $1.1 billion, or $1,708,967.85 per victory in franchise history. (Of course those assholes in Pittsburgh have had a team since 1933.)
It starts to make the Seahawks' financial accomplishments in just 36 years seem pretty impressive.
The picture gets a little less rosy, however, when you consider Tampa Bay, a team that entered the league in the same year as the Seahawks, is literally nipping at the Seattle's heels with a value of $1.033 billion. And the Bucs have managed to do so while notching only 228 franchise victories - meaning the team has accumulated value at a rate even more impressive than that of the Hawks', at $4,530,701 per win.
Now for the disclaimer: if you've read this far it's extremely important to note that all of this is completely trivial garbage, using a formula that obviously penalizes teams that have been in existence longer and have more franchise victories - which is the rarest kind of sad and contrived stat that that the only a Seahawks fan might appreciate. Everyone knows the only thing that really matters in football is Super Bowl victories, and to date Seattle has none.
The good news? We've got Russell Wilson, who hasn't let the city down yet. You really can't put a value on rare, pure, unbridled optimism.
Though if it totals in the billions, Forbes might try.
*Figure does not include Aaron Rodgers' "Discount Double Check" endorsement.
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