Abortion: Reproductive issue best decided by preachers from rural Georgia who believe babies are conceived by using public restrooms.
American: True patriot who hates all the right things, including but not exclusive to: taxes, unbreaded chicken, California, female sportscasters, the Toyota Prius, people who speak Mexican, BET, free range vegetables, public radio, Al Sharpton, whales...
Apologizing: The treasonous admission that America is not always perfect. Usually committed by people who can't even tastefully match their cowboy boots with their firearms.
Bain Capital: Massachusetts investment firm celebrated for providing investors with huge returns by laying off thousands of workers, cutting health care benefits, and shipping jobs to those places where foreigners live. Will serve as the model for U.S. economic recovery once the infidel is smited.
Barack Hussein Obama: Muslim foreigner illegally elected president to pursue the socialist agenda of Karl Marx, regarded as the least funny brother of the famed comedic troupe.
Bible: Historical novel starring omnipotent being who sentences others to eternal damnation unless they do what he says. Think of Pat Robertson, only with a hillbilly beard and the ability to part seas.
Naturally, the post did quite well. As of this writing it had generated over 400 "likes" on Facebook. However, also to no surprise, not everyone was thrilled with it.
One such voice comes from commenter Justin Gimse, who says the effort only distracts from the fact that both major party candidates suck.
When is the Weekly gonna put the pom poms down and inform the Public of the War loving, Drone loving, Debt Loving, Civil Liberties hating aspects of both Establishment Candidates? Believe it or not tons of your readers aren't crazy about either Puppet.