Look, here's the thing: If police suspect you've been drinking and driving, and the best thing you can come up with in the heat of the moment to hide the fact you've been drinking vodka is to claim you've had 14 beers, you're probably in trouble. If your alleged drunken driving involves a stolen dump truck, downed power lines, and 1,400 people in the dark for nearly two hours, well, you're probably in a shitload of trouble.
Police in Colville, Wash. say that's just the type of predicament Robert Gene Bankston Hartman got into during a recent drunken joy ride. According to the Spokesman Review, Hartman hijacked the dump truck from a construction site late last month and drove it through town - knocking down power lines and light poles along the way. One witness reportedly told police Hartman was laughing as he careened into the power lines.
From the Spokesman Review:
Police had heard residents were trapped in their homes at South Wynne Street and West Columbia Avenue because of down power lines. They soon realized Hartman and the stolen dump truck were to blame. Hartman abandoned the truck at 1st Street and Railroad Street and ran, but an officer blocked his path with his police car.
At this point, things obviously looked bad for Hartman. Luckily, when confronted by police, he was quick on his feet.
More from the Spokesman-Review:
Hartman, 28, told officers he didn't mean to knock down the lines when he stole the dump truck from a construction site and drove it through town. He said he'd had about 14 beers when police confronted him about 9:45 p.m. on July 23, but later told police he'd actually been drinking vodka.
The paper reports Hartman subsequently registered blood alcohol levels of .226 and .220 - which, for those playing at home, is crazy shitfaced.
Hartman has been charged with drunken driving, first-degree malicious mischief, and second-degree taking a motor vehicle without permission. And there's got to be a charge of stupidity in there somewhere, too.