On Friday, the Seattle Times scored one helluva poop scoop. A tourist from Toronto took issue with men's room at Pike Place Market, claiming that the lack of privacy afforded by the short stall doors made his deuce-dropping experience "absolutely degrading, humiliating, disgusting," and, well, awkward. "You're sitting on the toilet with your pants around your ankles and people are peering over at you," 52-year-old Shahrukh Pestonji complained. Oh the humanity!
But while eye contact on the crapper is certainly a wee bit uncomfortable, the Canadian commode connoisseur could have done a whole lot worse during his visit to Seattle.
|Even Ewan McGregor avoids the men's room at Gas Works.|
The stall doors at Pike Place are a little shorter than normal, an attempt by the city to deter junkies and perverts from doing all the icky things they do. Pestonji, like George Costanza, presumably prefers stall doors that extend all the way to the ground, for the ultimate private pooping experience. If that's actually the case, he ought to be thankful he avoided the men's room at Gas Works Park. There are no doors whatsoever on these stalls, and the overall level of sanitation falls somewhere between a third-world prison and the worst toilet in Scotland.
4. Colman Pool
Is that doody or a Baby Ruth bar?
The weather in Seattle is finally warming up, and overheated Canadian tourists can cool off by taking a dip in Seattle's finest outdoor public pool. Sickeningly, though, some people can't be bothered to cut short their dip for a trip to the nearest baño. Peeing in the pool is one thing, but doing a number two leads to a proverbial turd in the punch bowl. Just ask Bill Murray's character in Caddyshack.
3. A Belltown Alley
Photo by Rex Lameray Actual caption to this pic on Flickr: "Filthy Belltown alley behind Frontier Room, Queen City Grill. Right after a cleansing, extended downpour too. Lots of half-dissolved human feces on pavement."
All those junkies that might otherwise take care of business in Pike Place if it weren't for the shortened stall doors? Yeah, they still gotta crap somewhere. Most businesses make their restrooms available for customers only, which really narrows down the options. Many a desperate drug addict (and probably more than a few drunken bar hoppers) has resorted to taking a dump behind a Dumpster in a dark Belltown alley. It's highly unpleasant but ultimately effective...unless Phoenix Jones happens to catch you, in which case you'll probably wind up washing pepper spray out of your eyes in addition to feces off your hands.
2. Any Urinal
Image Source Sending mixed messages won't help matters.
Most men have a fairly high level of tolerance for filthy bathrooms, as evidenced by the overall indifference to detestable stall conditions at football, baseball, and basketball stadiums. But pooping in the urinal is one move that is universally frowned upon. Generally done as a prank (not even a little bit funny) or in a moment of pure desperation when all the stalls are occupied, if Pestonji thinks having someone peer over the stall door at him is embarrassing, just wait till he's caught with his pants around his ankles and his hind end hovering just a few centimeters above a crusty pink urinal cake.
1. On the Steps of City Hall
Wonder what's beneath that parking cone?
Pestonji told the Times he has visited more than 100 countries over the course of his lifetime, so one assumes he knows a thing or two about cultural differences. Yet when he encountered an unfamiliar setting at a public toilet (one that no doubt sufficed for thousands of Seattle visitors that preceded him), he felt the need to contact the local paper of record, the Market, and the Mayor's office to raise a stink. It's as if he hasn't heard the old expression: when in Rome, doo-doo as the Romans do. If the cranky Canadian really wanted to get his point across, he should have popped a squat on the steps of City Hall.