Actual Giant Wheel Rules.JPG
The actual rules.
The Seattle Great Wheel is now in full operation. Filling the waterfront with carnival-like enjoyment the likes of which have rarely been

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PICTURES: 11 New Rules for the Seattle Great Wheel

Actual Giant Wheel Rules.JPG
The actual rules.
The Seattle Great Wheel is now in full operation. Filling the waterfront with carnival-like enjoyment the likes of which have rarely been seen, the giant Ferris wheel rotates riders into the atmosphere and offers breathtaking views of our city. But, like most things in life, there are rules.

Yes, once you're comfortably inside one of the Great Wheel pods, you're greeted by a graphic illustration of all the super obvious things that are not allowed while partaking in the Ferris wheels' circular and skyward journey (see picture posted above). No opening the doors. No rocking the pod. It's all very basic.

Sadly, after further inspection and careful contemplation, we're afraid the rule-makers may not have gone far enough. While the current rules provide a good starting point for safety, here are a few more things you should absolutely avoid while riding the Great Wheel (expertly illustrated by Colin Hayes).

No Shitting

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Colin Hayes

There's no doubt about it: When you've got to go, you've got to go. Just don't go on the Great Wheel. There are plenty of places throughout downtown Seattle where people regularly take shits. Let's not turn the Great Wheel into one of those places. At least not for a while.

Our list of super-important new rules for the Seattle Great Wheel continues on the next page ...

No Jazzercise

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Colin Hayes

Staying in shape is important. But, for safety's sake, there's absolutely no jazzercise allowed on the Great Wheel.

No Dropping Kittens

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Colin Hayes

This one may seem kind of obvious, but it's better to be safe than sorry. At least Fluffy sure thinks so.

Our list of super-important new rules for the Seattle Great Wheel continues on the next page ...

No Mooning

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Colin Hayes

Sure, it's tempting to show to your ass to all of Seattle while high above the city in the Great Wheel. Almost too tempting. Please don't.

No Raising the Roof

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Colin Hayes

What is this, 1996? Don't even think about raising the roof on the Great Wheel. It's not cool, and it could even be dangerous. If you simply have to raise the roof, at the very least wait until you're safely on the ground.

Our list of super-important new rules for the Seattle Great Wheel continues on the next page ...

No Shooting People

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Colin Hayes

Perhaps this rule should apply to those riding the Great Wheel AND those on the ground in regular-old Seattle. Just a thought. Might be nice.

No Twister

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Colin Hayes

Twister is a great game that's fun at parties. That said, it has absolutely no place on the Great Wheel. Remember that.

Our list of super-important new rules for the Seattle Great Wheel continues on the next page ...

No Anarchy

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Colin Hayes

This rule comes at the special request of Mayor Mike McGinn. And even more important, no heckling the mayor or throwing rocks at the windows of his house while you're up there.

No Fedoras

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Colin Hayes

This rule is bound to be controversial. I know it's tempting, gentlemen, but please avoid silly hats while riding the Great Wheel. They may seem cool now, but five years from this day you'll look back on that fedora and wonder what the fuck you were thinking. The Seattle Great Wheel is about having fun, not regret.

Our list of super-important new rules for the Seattle Great Wheel continues on the next page ...

No Ironic Handlebar Mustaches

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Colin Hayes

Sorry Rex Velvet and 37 percent of hipsters currently roaming the streets of Seattle.

No Hotboxing Your Pod

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Colin Hayes

It seems so obvious. There you are, tightly enclosed, joyfully being transported through the sky ... but hotboxing your pod is strictly prohibited! Pro Tip: Just hotbox your '86 Corolla before heading up.

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