Honestly, it's not easy filling the Daily Weekly's Phoenix Jones quota. Sometimes we have to stretch, much like, we assume, Jones stretches before heading out on the street to fight evil, not to mention Rex Velvet.
At some point Tuesday, allegations surfaced that Jones had pepper sprayed the crowd during the melee. As anyone who follows Seattle's favorite real-life superhero understands, that's no small allegation - seeing as Jones nearly faced misdemeanor assault charges in late 2011 for pepper spraying several people near the Alaskan Way Viaduct while on one of his regular foot patrols. The pepper-spraying charges against Jones were dropped after Seattle City Attorney Pete Holmes cited "proof problems," while also noting of Jones, "He has been warned that his actions put himself in danger, and this latest episode demonstrates that innocent bystanders can also be harmed."
Well, by George, it seems like maybe, just maybe, Jones has taken the message to heart.
Faced with new pepper-spray allegations this week, Jones vehemently defended himself in a manner we've grown accustomed to.
First, Seattle's most controversial "superhero" took to Facebook to clear his real-life superhero name, writing forcefully in mostly caps:
YOU WANNA KNOW MY STANCE ON OCCUPY HERE YOU GO. I DON'T CARE IF PEOPLE WANNA PROTEST IT IS YOUR RIGHT AS AN AMERICAN I AGREE SMALL BUSINESSES ARE BEING DESTROYED BY CORPORATIONS. TODAY THE PROBLEM WAS NOT THE PROTESTERS OR THE OCCUPY MOVEMENT.
IT WAS A SMALL GROUP OF BLACK WATER ANARCHISTS THAT HAD MADE OPEN THREATS TO TRY AND DESTROY KEY BUILDINGS IN MY CITY. IT IS RIDICULOUS AND AGAINST EVERYTHING I STAND FOR TO WATCH PEOPLE PURPOSELY COMMIT ACTS OF TERROR, VIOLENCE, AND MAYHEM.
SO WHERE DO I STAND? I STAND SIDE BY SIDE WITH ANYONE WHO UPHOLDS JUSTICE AND FACE TO FACE WITH ANYONE WHO WANTS TO COMMIT VIOLENT FELONIES (i did not pepper-spray anyone, my whole video will be up soon...but if any of the anarchists have a problem with being pepper-sprayed you should probably stop attacking and breaking into federal buildings).
And, as promised, Jones soon released the eight-and-a-half-minute video shot from a camera mounted to his chest during May Day.
While the video has already made the rounds, few, if any, have really dissected what it depicts (this may because few people have actually watched all eight-and-a-half minutes of it).
Jokes aside, the video presents the picture of a real-life superhero who has, perhaps, taken Holmes' earlier words regarding the use of pepper spray to heart.
At the 8:05-minute mark Jones has this interaction with one of his sidekicks.
JONES: You need to control your spray.
SIDEKICK: Dude, I wasn't getting hit in the head with a flag.
JONES: Dude, it's fine, if they come out you pull ... Just trust me, you don't want to be that guy, man.
SIDEKICK: I only discharged it twice.
So, does this mean Seattle now has a kinder, gentler, less pepper spray-happy Phoenix Jones to defend it?
Unfortunately, these days it looks like it's Jones' sidekicks who have the itchy pepper-spray trigger fingers.