Quick: What's the most references to a "pooper scooper" you've ever seen in one paragraph of a short police report? If you answered anything under three, there's a good chance you'll be impressed by this story.
An account of the incident by KOMO Communities Reporter Jill Blocker published on SeattlePI.com fills in the back story, revealing the fact the assault took place at Plymouth Pilliars Park, the name of which is redacted from the public record police report.
The victim reported having been out walking her dog when a female suspect approached and accused the dog-walking victim of making too much noise while a friend was trying to sleep.
For the record, and according to the police report, the victim didn't think she was making "any" noise.
And, as the police report points out: "It should be noted that the park is adjacent to I-5."
But our suspect was having none of it. She reportedly picked up what's described as a "metal 'pooper scooper'" in police reports (pooper-scooper reference #1) and began swinging it at the victim.
Since Plymouth Pillars Park is apparently stocked full of them, the victim also armed herself with a pooper scooper (pooper-scooper reference #2) and fought back. The police report goes on to describe the victim fending off the suspect's 'pooper-scooper' attack" (pooper-scooper reference #3).
By all accounts, it was a pooper-scooper duel.
But here's where it gets really wild: This pooper-scooper duel lasted 20-30 minutes according to the police report.
That's a long time to duel, pooper scooper or not.
Especially in the middle of the night.
In a park surrounded by I-5.
Finally, according to the police report, the victim was able to leave the park.
The suspect was last seen traveling southbound from the scene of the attack. Covering their bases, the police conducted an area search after arriving, but the suspect was nowhere to be seen.
Seattle Police Department Public Information Officer Mark Jamieson says unless new information or new reports of pooper-scooper assaults in the area arise, the case will likely fade into legend.
"There was this epic battle in the park," says Jamieson. "We responded and we wrote down what [the victim] said. We made a good faith effort [to find the attacker] that morning, and we documented it."
"Unless we get additional reports that's probably the end of it."