JeffBezos150x120.jpg
Jeff Bezos wants to sell you high-end fashion
Well, it's finally come to this. With a stranglehold on just about every other imaginable facet of

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Amazon Gets Into High-End Fashion Business: Northwest Looks Bezos Should Be Slinging

JeffBezos150x120.jpg
Jeff Bezos wants to sell you high-end fashion
Well, it's finally come to this. With a stranglehold on just about every other imaginable facet of capitalism, Seattle's Amazon is getting into the fancy-pants fashion business - big time. A lengthy piece published yesterday in the New York Times details Jeff Bezos' plan to forever change the way folks with too much money buy their high-end fashion.

Really, it was only a matter of time.

And it reads like a movie trailer (courtesy of Seattle Weekly's Brian Miller):

The Devil Wears Prada II

As the billionaire, high-strung, Ayn Rand-reading, fashionista boss with a braying laugh, Kevin Spacey in a bald cap.

As his terrified young assistant, a nerdy programmer suddenly forced to learn the rag trade (and badly in need of a fashion makeover), Emma Stone.

And as the gay BFF/source of comic relief, Aziz Ansari.

Opening soon at a theater near you...

But, laughs aside, this is no joke. It's so serious, in fact, that Bezos even did an interview (gasp!).

From the New York Times:

"It's Day 1 in the category," Jeff Bezos, Amazon's chief executive, said in a recent interview. Though characteristically tight-lipped on bottom-line details, Mr. Bezos said the company was making a "significant" investment in fashion as it tried to convince designer brands that it wanted to work with them, not against them.

While, given the company's history there stands to be a fair amount of convincing to do, the New York Times piece notes that Amazon's plan is to avoid the same low-price approach the company has taken in other forums, and instead rely on more traditional and established markdowns. Bezos also tells the Times that apparel sales on Amazon.com have increased by triple digits over the last year.

Basically, Amazon is in it to win it.

That's all well and good, of course. But if the Seattle-based online retailer really wants to endear itself to its hometown (something it honestly probably doesn't give two shits about), it might want to consider the online slinging of these famous Northwest fashions ...

The Black Bloc Look

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Just in time for summer, the Black Bloc look says, "I'll bust out this window at Niketown wearing Nikes and I don't give a fuck who sees me do it." Perfect for hanging with your "anarchist' friends in Eugene or simply rolling solo while devising new and ingenious ways to wreak havoc on the capitalist masses, the Black Bloc look is this season's way to be seen without being seen.

The Northwest fashion looks Amazon should consider slinging online continue on the next page ...

The Bearded Guy

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Simple, understated, and prone to ingrown hairs around the neck, The Bearded Guy look is a Seattle institution. What's the first thing I did upon coming to work in Seattle? Grow a motherfuckin' beard. What did Greg Nickels do as soon as he left the mayor's office? Grow a motherfuckin' beard. In truth, it would have been a hell of a lot easier for both of us if we could have just ordered one on Amazon and received free shipping.

The Dirty Hippie

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Cultivating the Dirty Hippie look isn't as easy as it probably seems. Quite simply, dreadlocks the size of gorilla fingers don't grow on trees ... they grow on the heads of people who don't wash their hair for years at a time and once existed off of selling mushrooms on tour with the String Cheese Incident. It's a look that takes dedication, not to mention no small amount of hacky sack. Amazon could make a killing off trust-funders trying to acquire the look without the prerequisite work it usually takes.

The Northwest fashion looks Amazon should consider slinging online continue on the next page ...

The Socks and Sandals

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Here's a look from Seattle lore. Sure, jokes about Seattleites wearing Birkenstocks and wool socks are as old as the ages, and making fun of it isn't exactly fresh ... but the thing is Seattleites just keep wearing sandals and socks. The jokes will stop when the fashion trend dies, and based on what's out there, that doesn't seem at risk of happening anytime soon. Bezos might as well get in on that action.

The Filson Look

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Perfected by Seattle Weekly Music Editor Chris Kornelis, the Filson Look screams, "I'm comfortable dressing like a turn-of-the-century logger," while at the same time proclaiming, "Fuck it, flannel is just plain cozy, bitches" Straight up: If it works for Kornelis, it can work for you. NOTE: So, it turns out Amazon already sells Filson stuff. But if you think I'm taking out this Kornelis joke I wrote at 1 a.m. last night just because it's inaccurate, well, you're sadly mistaken.

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