Uncle Sam loves Tax Day
It's Tax Day, yo! Sure, a large percentage of folks reading this probably filed their taxes months ago, and have


Tax Day 2012: Five Things to Help You Survive

Uncle Sam loves Tax Day
It's Tax Day, yo! Sure, a large percentage of folks reading this probably filed their taxes months ago, and have already blown whatever refund came their way on gigantic televisions or Lasik eye surgery, but for those who procrastinated, or for those who are legitimate enough that filing requires more than the most basic version of TurboTax and a box of wine ... this is it. Today is the day. Tax Day 2012.

Before hitting send on your return, or if you're old-school before heading to the post office to make sure your your return is postmarked in time, here are five things that can help any last-minute filer get through Tax Day.

Drugs and/or Alcohol


In truth, drugs and/or alcohol can help you get through any day, but it's especially true on Tax Day. You know how everything just feels a little better after a margarita the size of a baby's head? You know how the pain just washes away after a few bong rips in the garage? The same holds true on Tax Day ... so if the pressure starts getting to you, react accordingly. NOTE: Sadly, drugs and/or alcohol don't improve the accuracy of your taxes. Keep this in mind.

Become a Major Corporation


Worried about how much federal taxes you'll end up owing from that cush 12-hour-a-day job that gave you cubicle ass and barely pays enough for you to afford that hybrid you drive? It's a bitch. Of course, life would be a whole lot easier if you were a big-ass corporation like GE or Verizon that didn't have to worry about paying federal taxes on their billions in income. Maybe work on that next year. I'm sure it makes Tax Day a whole lot less stressful.

Become an Extremist

My buddy Rick's dad (not pictured) hasn't paid federal income taxes since the 1980s

Whether you can handle the title or not, there are lots of folks out there who don't pay federal income taxes out of protest - extremists, sticking it to the man. Hardcore libertarians sometimes take this route. And anyone who refers to themselves as a "sovereign citizen." And my buddy Rick's dad, who's a carpet layer that works under the table. I'm pretty sure he hasn't paid taxes since the Regan administration. Of course, he also lives out of his box van.

Concentrate on the Civic Good Your Tax Dollars Go Toward


It might not be easy to swallow the total you end up sending Uncle Sam, but when you think about it the federal government actually does a lot of really amazing and worthwhile stuff with your tax money. Like ... um ... well ... there's plenty of shit. Just take my word for it.

Go Mitt Romney and File an Extension

Mitt Romney needs more time to do his taxes

You probably aren't as disgustingly rich as Mitt Romney. And it's a goddamn shame. But that doesn't mean you can't take advantage of the same tax rules and loopholes that the Republican presidential candidate does (or, at least some of the loopholes he takes advantage of). Almost anyone, even normal folks, can get a six-month extension. If the walls are closing in, it may be something to consider. Either that or just refer back to the drugs and/or alcohol suggestion.

Follow the Daily Weekly on Facebook & Twitter.

comments powered by Disqus