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There are so many awesome things Facebook could buy ...
Yesterday it was announced that Facebook had agreed to purchase roughly 650 former AOL patents

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Seven Other Things Facebook Should Totally Buy

facebook-at-work1.jpg
There are so many awesome things Facebook could buy ...
Yesterday it was announced that Facebook had agreed to purchase roughly 650 former AOL patents from Microsoft at a cost of $550 million. The announcement comes not long after Microsoft purchased a total 925 AOL patents and patent applications from AOL for a whopping $1 billion.

According to reports the deal will also allow Facebook to use the remaining AOL patents owned by Microsoft without being sued, while Microsoft will be licensed to use the patents without fear of being sued by Facebook.

From a story on the deal by the Associated Press:

Microsoft said the deal enables it to recoup half the cost of the AOL deal while reaching its goals for the purchase. Facebook's general counsel, Ted Ullyot, called the move a "significant step in our ongoing process of building an intellectual property portfolio to protect Facebook's interests over the long term."

As those who follow such things know, the purchase is not Facebook's first. Facebook recently purchased 750 patents from IBM Corp., not to mention the early-April acquisition of Instagram, which sent self-portrait-takers everywhere into a tailspin over the future of snapping cooler-than-real-life phone photos.

Expected to go public in May, and be valued at as much as $100 billion, it's obvious Facebook has money to burn. Question is: why should Zuckerberg's company stop with a few measly patents and a photo app for hipsters?

Here are a few other things Facebook should buy ...

The New Streetcar Line Through First Hill and Capitol Hill

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Sure, taxpayers are actually already paying for Seattle's new streetcar line (which broke ground yesterday), and it seems somewhat unlikely that Facebook would want to swoop in on the Sound Transit project. But stranger things have happened, right? I mean, the total cost of the new streetcar line is $134 million - that's chump change for Zuckerberg. And think of how much better the user experience would be? Unless, of course, Facebook changed it to a street car timeline ...

The list of seven other things Facebook should buy continues on the next page ...

RadioShack

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Amazingly, RadioShack still exists. My grandma went to RadioShack just the other day in search of a new TV antenna. Sadly, they didn't have what she was looking for. But if Facebook owned RadioShack, well, my guess is things would have turned out differently. Like!

My Grandma

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Seriously, though, if I have to take that old bag of gas to RadioShack one more time I'm going to lose my shit.

The Mariners

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The Mariners' current ownership hasn't done a damn thing with the team except further the painful mediocrity. At some point, it's got to stop. Why doesn't Facebook step up to the plate, buy the team, and help Seattle finally field a legitimate baseball team? Plus, can you imagine how much fun it would be if management mandated that all Mariners be active on Facebook? Oh! And what about Eric Wedge on Facebook? That'd be awesome! I'm sending Miguel Olivo a friend request right now!

The list of seven other things Facebook should buy continues on the next page ...

Washington's Liquor Stores

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Crap. Looks like Zuckerberg pulled a Winklevoss and totally missed the boat on this one.

The New Jack White Record

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What the fuck.

The Seattle to Kingston Ferry Line

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A story in The Seattle Times says the Soundrunner passenger ferry to Kingston is used by so few people that it costs taxpayers $35,000 a year per passenger. That's a lot of money to most people. But not Facebook. They pumped $35,000 of foam into last quarter's rave-style executive meeting-slash-techno party. These kids are crazy. They'll buy anything.

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