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Ryan Leaf has a "Leaf List" he's been working on
By now you've probably seen those "Leap List" commercials - a marketing effort to sling

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Ryan Leaf's "Leaf List" of Things to Do Before Possibly Heading to Prison

RyanLeafChargersBeffudled.jpg
Ryan Leaf has a "Leaf List" he's been working on
By now you've probably seen those "Leap List" commercials - a marketing effort to sling Honda CR-Vs based on the premise that everyone should make a list of things they want to do before making a big leap in life ... you know, like buying a Honda CR-V. Because buying a car is a leap. Or something.

Basically, the campaign boils down to a bunch of attractive hipsters admitting they want to sleep with a bunch of other attractive hipsters before settling down, or play drums in the Shins before they roll over their 401K. You know, because all of that stuff goes hand-in-hand with buying a mid-size SUV.

It got us thinking. What if, instead of the "Leap List," it was the "Leaf List," examining things former Washington State University quarterback Ryan Leaf wanted to do with his life before making a big leap ... like, say, going to prison for a long time?

It might go something like this ...

Ryan Leaf: I want to get picked second overall by the San Diego Chargers in the 1998 NFL draft but suck my way out of the league in only four seasons.

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You've got to hand it to Leaf. It takes most highly-prized draft picks much longer to flame the fuck out, but Leaf is an overachiever. After being drafted second behind Peyton Manning in the 1998 NFL draft, Leaf proved just how terrible he was (at life, and subsequently football) in a remarkably short period of time. Leaf checked this one off his Leaf List after a training camp flame out with the Seahawks in 2002. He was bothered by a wrist injury. And so much more.

Ryan Leaf's "Leaf List" continues on the next page ...

Ryan Leaf: I want to finally get that reporter to shut his pie-hole.

Leaf started his pro career in instant infamy, involved in a locker-room confrontation with San Diego Union Tribune reporter Jay Posner. It's no surprise then that Ryan's Leaf List includes a goal of getting the best of that asshole Posner (and his goddamn questions) once and for all. Just don't talk to Ryan Leaf, all right! Knock it off! Knock it off!

Ryan Leaf: I want to marry a San Diego Chargers' cheerleader after arriving as the team's quarterbacking savoir, only to get divorced less than three years later as my NFL career spirals into a pit of nothingness and lost potential.

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Amazingly, Leaf and his former wife Nicole filed for divorce after two years and eight months of surely blissful marriage, with the beautiful couple citing irreconcilable differences. While most divorces are sad affairs, at least Ryan Leaf's allowed him to check yet another item off his Leaf List.

Ryan Leaf: I want to coach football at some shitty Division II school in Texas before being forced to resign in shame for stealing pain pills from players.

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If obtaining over 1,000 pain pills from Texas pharmacies over an eight month span is wrong, Ryan Leaf doesn't want to be right.

Ryan Leaf's "Leaf List" continues on the next page ...

Ryan Leaf: I want to forever wallow in the shadow of Drew Bledsoe.

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This one was a foregone conclusion. Sure, Leaf helped the Cougars to the team's first Rose Bowl appearance in almost 70 years, but he's no Drew Bledsoe. He's not a winner. He's not likeable. He's never stage dived at an Everclear concert. And he never will.

Ryan Leaf: I want to sign on with a small Pullman-based publisher to write an multi-volume autobiography longer than the Twilight series, the Harry Potter series and Sue Grafton's A through J work combined, just so Cougar fans have something to give each other during the holiday season other than cans of Skoal and pink eye.

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Leaf is still working on this one, actually. So far he's only signed up to write a three-volume autobiographical series. But that volume on Leaf's "inspirational battle and victory over prescription painkillers" keeps sounding better and better. Plus, there's lots of time to write while incarcerated.

Ryan Leaf: I want to get busted twice in a span of four days for allegedly stealing prescription pain pills from the homes of random people in Montana, and when confronted by homeowners, I want to say I'm lost and have the wrong address then bone the fuck out like I'm not a former top NFL draft pick. Furthermore, once it all goes down, I want the Seattle Times' Danny O'Neil to write a touching story about my alleged pill-stealing ways that divulges I wear shiny black dress shoes while hustling other people's pills.

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Check.

Ryan Leaf's "Leaf List" continues on the next page ...

Ryan Leaf: After being busted (yet again) for allegedly stealing an ass-load of prescription pain pills, I want to be sent to prison for a very, very long time.

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Even as many people say he's accomplished all in life he ever will, it's good to see the former WSU stud still has goals. This item is still pending.

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