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Yeah, we know. You've already seen this awesome-ass Craigslist ad for the world's manliest 1995 Pontiac Grand Am. Like, a bazillion times we bet. But

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Inspired by the Craigslist Grand Am Ad, Buy This Amazing Crap From Seattle Weekly!

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Yeah, we know. You've already seen this awesome-ass Craigslist ad for the world's manliest 1995 Pontiac Grand Am. Like, a bazillion times we bet. But you're silly if you think we're going to let that stop us from making a blog post about it. That's just not our style.

Quite the contrary, actually. Inspired by the Everett's Joe Strachila and his buddy Kyle Miller, the two brilliant minds behind the now infamous Grand Am Craigslist ad, we've attempted to come up with a little ad copy of our own. Combined, the staff of Seattle Weekly has a bunch of awesome modes of transportation we'd like to unload. And for the right price, all of it can be yours.

Take a look ...

1992 Mazda Miata

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The Mazda Miata is basically the anti-Grand Am. If Joe Strachila's testosterone-pumping beast of a car will help you grow a thick beard and get you laid, buying a 1992 Mazda Miata from the Seattle Weekly will help bring out your effeminate side and redecorate your family room. You'll also suddenly have a hankering for pina coladas and those jeans with the overly decorated back pockets. And just think how boss you'll look with the top down! Inquire now and Seattle Weekly's Mike Seely will throw in the complete fourth season of Gossip Girl on DVD for no extra charge!

The awesomeness continues on the next page ...

Bitchin'-Ass Unicycle

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Perfect for the "I-once-traveled-with-the-circus crowd," this unicycle from Seattle Weekly's back storage closet has your name written all over it ... at least if your name is "I like balancing on my crotch." And who doesn't? Priced to move, this amazing mode of transportation can be yours now for pennies on the dollar (and a chunk of your self respect). This awesome unicycle won't help you with the opposite sex, but who needs the opposite sex when you can balance on your crotch on one wheel?

My Grandma's Mobility Scooter

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My grandma was pretty upset with Tuesday's post about other stuff Facebook should buy. Turns out she didn't like the notoriety that came with being featured on Daily Weekly. She said it "hurt her feelings." I was flabbergasted. Who even knew senior citizens HAD feelings? I obviously didn't. We'll chalk it up as a learning moment. That said, my grandma has like seven mobility scooters and one of them could be yours NOW if you act fast! They're all in cherry condition, they've never been to the Grand Canyon, and owning one of them will definitely help you in your quest for coolness. I mean, the cool kids love ironic stuff. What's more ironic than showing up the Neumos on one of my grandma's old mobility scooters? Not much.

The awesomeness continues on the next page ...

Rollerblades

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Somewhere along the way rollerblades lost their edge. Guys and gals in questionable shorts or ripped jeans started cruising around the waterfront on nice days, doing flamboyant little twists and turns, and before long roller skates were making a comeback. That's just the cyclical nature of obviously debatable transportation. The good news is, the tide is bound to turn once again, and when it does you'll definitely want to be the proud owner of a pare of Seattle Weekly-worn rollerblades. A women's size 11, these bad boys will help you get fit and give you a reason to fondly recall the 1990s.

Inflatable Hippity Hop Hopper

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OK, when I said nothing could be more ironic than showing up to Neumos on my grandma's mobility scooter I obviously wasn't taking into consideration the fact Seattle Weekly is also trying to unload a lightly used inflatable Hippity Hop Hopper. Here's a transportation choice that just might encompass the effeminate qualities of the Miata, the crotch-balancing of the unicycle, the irony of my grandma's Little Rascal and nostalgia-meets-throwback appeal of roller blades. Plus, school kids who aren't old enough to know any better will totally think you're awesome. Call now!

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