The image that's been presented of Chris Hansen, the San Francisco hedge-fund manager--a profession which recently polled a close third behind Satan's executive assistant and Darth Vader's fluffer for "least admired"--with Seattle roots who wants to bring the NBA back to Seattle, is that of a hardworking young man who emerged from humble roots to make a fortune in the financial services sector. But some of his former schoolmates remember Hansen as a teen who "hung out with a motley crew of bullies."
"I was once alone at my locker right after lunch bell," claims one source. "[A student] came running at top speed with the look of sheer terror in his eyes and quickly said 'hello' as he passed. Seconds later, [another student] and this guy, Chris Hansen, come running after him. I stopped them and asked what they were doing. 'What the hell do you care?' was Hansen's reply as [the other student, his cohort] laughed and went running by. I can only hope my delay of them brought [the student being chased] some time to escape for a few moments."
Another Blanchet graduate recalls a Portage Bay throw-down where Hansen was rolling with a young man who was seeking to retaliate against a student who'd allegedly thrown something at his car. Upon being confronted by the boy who thought he'd air-raided his whip, the accused--who turned out to be the victim of mistaken identity--claims to have knocked a baseball bat out of Hansen's buddy's hands and pinned him to the ground.
"We were quickly pulled apart," says the source. "Who knew that moment would seal my fate as a Seattle Kings fan?" he added, in reference to the regal mascot of the Sacramento franchise Hansen would like to hijack .
Hansen's class at Blanchet, the source adds, consisted of "a bunch of losers."
Hansen didn't return a call to his San Francisco office seeking a response to the allegations of his former schoolmates, and his Seattle-based public relations representative says he's not taking press calls in the immediate wake of his tightly-controlled fly-by last week.
But if these allegations of adolescent roughnecking are true, then, boy, do we (and his accusers) not give a shit. Far be it from us to deny that we beaned an old lady with an armful of groceries in the face with an egg once, and we're such strumpets for NBA action that we'd gladly let Hansen and/or his buddy do whatever they wanted with that baseball bat if Squatch is able to once again bounce off a trampoline for dunks between quarters.