Are you shopping for the discerning free-speech oppressor this holiday season? If so, then the Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream pepper-spray canister, available on Amazon.com, is the perfect stocking stuffer.
D-bag of Liberty gives it five stars, writing:
Whenever I need to breezily inflict discipline on unruly citizens, I know I can trust Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray to get the job done! The power of reason is no match for Defense Technology's superior repression power. When I reach for my can of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, I know that even the mighty First Amendment doesn't stand a chance against its many scovil units of civil rights suppression.
Defense Technology brand pepper spray: For when you absolutely, positively, need to blast a hippie.
When I feel threatened by students, no matter how unarmed, peaceful and seated they may be, I know that Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray has got my back as I casually spray away at point blank range.
It really is the Cadillac of citizen repression technology.
Another five stars from ActualAir:
First, this baby has everything you would expect from Defense Technology brand pepper spray. It burns like hell. Whether you're spraying directly into eyes or mouths - this will cause excruciating pain.
Second, and I know it's not explicitly listed as one the uses on the can, but it's also an amazing human arm de-linker. So if you have this gigantic public space and a dozen people are sitting there with their arms linked - this will really help in your effort to de-link those arms.
I bought four canisters along with this head-smasher thingy: [...]
Don't think, just buy it and spray.
And yet another perfect score from AndySurprise "Andy", who addresses the "bros" shoppers:
Bro: it's okay. You want your targets to see this coming! They will raise their sumbissive hands to protect their nasal and ocular cavities. LOL. Citizens won't know what hit them. Thanks to the next generation irritants in this product, you will only impregnate their fingers with a fiery blend of liquid hell. Be persistent. Take them down. A half hour later they will be touching their eyes and noses and feeling the burn AGAIN! See you next time!
This is space age domination technology. Works on citizens. AND ALIENS!!
After a long day of citizen suppression you'll be ready to kick back and knock out a few reps of icy cold 12 oz. Coors Light curls. When you're out in the rain with your buds, you need something nice to look forward to. Tasting the rockies. What better prep than holding up a pair of 12 oz. 56895 MK-9 streamers!
Your ability to stand for hours at a time is one of the reasons that you are special. You are mentally tough enough to serve your leadership and deliver the citizen suppression that will keep us safe. Everyone at Defense Technology salutes your service. You were probably trained to keep your cool and administer suppressive justice with a calm professionalism. With the Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 stream, that approach is antiquated. The days of the steely cool tough guy are over. Get angry! Let it out! Squirt 'em down! Shake out the sillies!