Eric Wedge had to try something in advance of yesterday's duel with the Boston Red Sox, as his team had just lost a franchise-record-tying 14th straight game. So he pulled the most drastic cosmetic maneuver imaginable: He shaved off his famously macho mustache. It didn't matter--the M's lost yet again to the Red Sox, thus securing this year's squad's spot in notorious team history. But the mustache and the game weren't the only things Wedge lost yesterday.
Here's what would have been written about Wedge and his 'stache had he left it well enough alone: "Cops and leather daddies have great mustaches. Rock stars, hipsters and '70s porn stars too. And, of course, there are the famous 'staches of Mark Spitz, Tom Selleck, and Sam Elliott. But if each and every one of these hirsute gents were to gather at a national mustache convention, Eric Wedge would be the envy of them all. In fact, the first-year Mariner skipper's Fu Manchu is so cartoonishly thick and protruding that Yosemite Sam recently called the M's clubhouse to ask for it back."
Better luck next year, Wedgie. And remember: Nothing good ever comes from shaving off a mustache that Burt Reynolds would pay to have prosthetically sewn on. Ever.