UPDATE: Kyle Pearce has pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor federal indecency charge. He faces a maximum of 90 days in jail, a $5,000 fine, and a year of supervised release. He's still free to jerk off. Just not on an airplane. More here.
There's nothing like a trip to Spokane to leave one angsty, frustrated, and in need of some sexual release. Most people, however, rub one out before they get on the flight back home, not while the plane is in the air.
Kyle Pearce is allegedly not "most people."
The Smoking Gun reports that he was arrested in Denver last week after the United Airlines plane that had taken him from Spokane touched down. Apparently during the flight, an 18-year-old woman and her friend noticed Pearce masturbating in the seat next to them.
At some point one of the witnesses said she whacked him on the arm with her book to get him to stop. At that point he went to the restroom "for a long time."
No word on what cleaning supplies the United crew used to dab up the mess before the next flight.
The witnesses were very detailed in their recollection of Pearce's attire, which, besides the jeans tucked into cowboy boots and red bag, included a baseball cap with the words "Established 1963" embroidered on it, a Carhartt jacket, and a striped shirt.
If you cover up the bull, you can get a sense of what Mr. Pearce might have looked like on the plane.
Pearce's MySpace page lists him as being from "Your Mom's House, Florida" and states that he's a student at Pensacola Junior College, where his clubs include "partying and hanging out with friends GIRLS!!!"
He's also apparently an amateur bull rider.
Unfortunately for him, palm riding in an airline seat for more than eight seconds doesn't win shit.
UPDATE: Our colleagues at Phoenix New Timesreport that the same plane that carried Pearce and his alleged spooge puddle took off from Phoenix today. No United Airlines representatives have responded to questions about whether they properly cleaned the mess.