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Angry birds isn't just a game for Everett cops. It's reality.
In a scenario that sounds eerily similar to the plot of an Alfred Hitchcock flick, a trio of crows nesting in a tree near the parking lot of Everett police's north precinct station are dive-bombing unsuspecting officers, pooping on squad cars, and waging a fowl form of war on local law enforcement.
According to a report in today's edition of the Everett Herald, the vicious birds only recently began their offensive. A few days ago, the cops say, the cold-blooded critters "started swooping down on them and dive-bombing them" as they walked from their cars into the station.
Collectively, a group of crows is known as a murder, and murder is apparently exactly what this particular flock has in mind. One lieutenant described how he "got zinged" by the birds and proclaimed that the force's new airborne adversaries are "like velociraptors." Even more troubling, the evil avians are reportedly targeting "top brass and detectives in particular."
Of course, Everett's finest aren't ones to give up without a fight. One officer sounded his siren at the crows, hoping to scare them away. But alas, his police cruiser was promptly carpet-bombed with bird poop.
Intrepid Herald reporter Rikki King interviewed Ruth Milner, a biologist with the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife, who explained that the birds are probably just trying to protect their young during nesting season.
The expert also noted that the officers may have made a fatal mistake by retaliating in the flap with the crows: They are among the most intelligent bird species and capable of remembering people's features and clothing. And, with hearts as black as their feathers, crows tend to hold a grudge.
"If your cops have done something that [the crows] perceive as a threat, they could be keying in on them because they're all wearing the same kind of uniform," Milner told the Herald.
Several city employees who share the parking lot with police have also been pecked, err, picked on by the crows, but the city has decided to take a wait-and-see approach with the birds, hoping that the situation will resolve itself after the baby crows leave the nest.
But if the crows keep egging them on, it seems only a matter of time until a fed-up cop unloads his service weapon into the sky, leaving a bloody mess of feathers on the pavement. Having dispatched the ungainly fowl, the triumphant officer would, of course, quote the raven and say of the bird battle, "Nevermore."