Seattle Times: Ashton Kutcher Is Gay!

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And with that news, homosexuals nationwide raise their appletinis in celebration.

Of course, it might be former Sonics exec and current Phoenix Suns President Rick Welts who's gay. But looking at today's banner in The Seattle Times, in which Kutcher's image appears directly next to the words "I'M GAY" and is flanked on the other side by a generic sentence about "your favorite show," one is left to wonder . . . and to hope . . .

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