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The Mariners clawed their way back to a winning record with a gritty 4-3 win over the Orioles yesterday at Safeco Field. The

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Fisty Helps Wedgie Deal With Figgy Problem as Mariners Beat Orioles

fisted.png
Image source
The Mariners clawed their way back to a winning record with a gritty 4-3 win over the Orioles yesterday at Safeco Field. The victory came thanks to 7 1/3 stellar innings from Doug "Fisty" Fister and despite another atrocious performance from Chone "Figgy" Figgins, who struck out with the bases loaded (capping an 0-3 day at the plate) and made three blunders at third base that nearly cost his team the game. Manager Eric "Wedgie" Wedge had moved the feckless Figgins from second to eighth in the batting order to shake things up, but the real change the Mariners need is in the nickname department, 'cause apparently their creativity is limited to adding 'y' sounds to the ends of people's names.

Figgy, as Figgins is called by both his teammates and announcers, has had his nickname for several seasons now. Rick Rizzs is particularly fond of the Figgy moniker, using it routinely in sentences like, "Geez, Figgy is really struggling out there isn't he Hendu?"

Wedge, meanwhile, has been stuck with Wedgie since his playing days, probably the result of baseball's distinctly sophomoric sense of humor. It was even used in a headline earlier this month, when the Associated Press announced, "Wedgie Back in Cleveland with Seattle Mariners," as if the M's all wore their most uncomfortable pairs of uniform pants to take on the Tribe.

But Fisty? Really? That's the best his teammates can muster? Brendan Ryan casually dropped the nickname when being interviewed after yesterday's game. Via the Seattle Times' Steve Kelley, whose name naturally ends with a y:

But they [the Mariners] won for the 10th time in 12 games and moved back over .500 at 27-26.

"I thought A.K. (Adam Kennedy) said it well after the game just now," Ryan said. "We didn't play a great game. Fisty (starter Doug Fister) was great for us and the bullpen came in and did their thing as they've been doing.

The "y" nickname trend is really nothing new, as the Mariners faithful will fondly recall the likes of Bret "Boonie" Boone and grumble at any mention of Richie "Big Sexy" Sexson. But Fisty has got to be the end of the trend. Baseball is known for its quirky aliases, and we can all agree that "The Fister" or simply "The Fist" are far superior to "Fisty." If he keeps pitching like he did last night (nine strikeouts, one walk, and first-pitch strikes to 24 of the 30 batters he faced) "The Fist" might even gain some notoriety and make it into the nickname Hall of Fame.

As for Figgy, as long as he's hitting .190 with an OPS of .488 and getting paid $18 million over the next two seasons, he should be called Chode. Only when top draft pick Dustin Ackley gets called up to replace him, we can once again embrace names that end in y.

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