While most people in Woodland, Washington were busy attending church, eating a gluttonous brunch, or hunting "spring spheres" this past Easter Sunday, Jeremiah Cunningham was getting arrested. Earlier in the week, Cunningham allegedly got hammered, went to the shopping mall across the street from his house, and threw golf balls through store windows. In the spirit of the holiday, though, Cunningham left behind a little Easter egg of his own for the cops to find at the crime scene: his driver's license.
There, he conducted "a 15-minute all-out assault" on several shops, including a gun store and a hookah-pipe retailer. At first he hurled golf balls at windows and attempted to smash through a wall with his bare hands. Then he outsmarted himself by attempting to use his driver's license to jimmy open a door. The movie trick proved unsuccessful, and Cunningham staggered off into the night. When police arrived the next morning, the ID was still lodged between the lock and the door frame.
Police headed back across the street and knocked on Cunningham's door, but he was nowhere to be found. He was eventually arrested on Easter Sunday and charged with burglary, attempted burglary, and malicious mischief for causing about $1,000 worth of damage.
The kicker, as pointed out by Woodland Police chief Rob Stephenson, is that the mini-mall doesn't even have a shop that sells alcohol; the nearest liquor store is a quarter-mile away.