How the CIA Celebrates Earth Day

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Spying on the enemies of America is not a carbon-neutral enterprise. There are invisible-ink spills, greenhouse gases from black helicopters, and of course the secret documents--piles and piles of secret documents. Fortunately, the Central Intelligence Agency has an earth-conscious plan for dealing with these mountains of classified garbage--namely, burning it. But the incineration is done in the greenest way they can think of, mind you! And for Earth Day, the spooks want to make sure everyone knows the efficiency that goes in to the process of destroying information.

From the CIA's website post today, titled "CIA Highlights Sustainability and Conservation Initiatives on Earth Day."

The Central Intelligence Agency's practice of shredding and burning classified papers--often referred to in movies and books as "burn after reading"--is one of several ways the CIA conserves energy, reduces its impact on the environment, and lowers costs through its sustainability efforts. Exhaust from the Agency's on-site incinerator generates steam to heat water at CIA Headquarters.

So there you go, nation! The burning piles of trash containing Uncle Akmed's whereabouts for the last six months are fueling the hot water that, in turn, makes coffee so CIA agents stay caffeinated enough to monitor Uncle Akmed for another six months.

It's a big, earth-hugging cycle of spy, note, burn, heat, repeat.

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