Glenn Beck, Bellingham's Least Favorite Son, Will Leave FOX for Crazier Pastures

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The Glenn Beck we know and love has run his life cycle on FOX News. Soon he'll attach himself to a hard copy of the U.S. Constitution, spin a cocoon of salvaged gold, and enter into a long cryostasis. But don't fear! Glenn's not dead. And when he finally emerges from his golden casing, he'll have morphed into a new pundit, ready to spread his wings, catch the winds of crazy, and fly to a new place (probably his own TV network) where the conspiracies aren't "theories," the advertisers aren't "worried about their image," and this lady finally GETS OFF HIS PHONE!

The news of Beck's looming departure was announced via holy decree yesterday and traditional news media today.

FOX News President and Jabba the Hutt impersonator Roger Ailes said this about Beck's departure:

"We felt Glenn brought additional information, a unique perspective, a certain amount of passion and insight to the channel and he did. But that story of what's going on and why America is in trouble today, I think he told that story as well as could be told. Whether you can just keep telling that story or not . . . we're not so sure."

Yeah, either that or the roughly 300 advertisers that had jumped ship from his show after his brand of crazy reached a fever pitch began to weigh on the network.

Either way, in honor of Mr. Beck's departure, let's take one last look at his yearbook photo from Sehome High School in Bellingham, circa 1982.

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Things were so much simpler then . . .

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