Because there has to be an explanation.
Next he says he "looked in the can and I saw the tip of the tail and I vomited everywhere."
Anyhow, no one had a photo of the rodent, until now.
Now here's my (completely unproven) theory on how he did it.
Sulzhik, a cunning 19-year-old and possible KGB spy, tracked down a mouse and captured it live. Next he drowned the bastard in a pint glass full of Monster.
Covering the top of the glass, he stored the rodent in the drink for two months, pickling the creature flawlessly and softening the skeleton.
Next he purchased a new can of Monster. Drank it. Pumped up. Got wild. Then, oh so carefully, he stuffed the softened mouse inside.
Then he called a lawyer.