Things were supposed to change this year. The Seattle Storm won the WNBA Championship, the Seahawks bagged a playoff game, and, most importantly, LeBron James left Cleveland. All this conspired to suggest that Seattle might finally be bumped off the top of Forbes Magazine's list of "Most Miserable Sports Cities." But even King James' exodus is apparently not enough to tip the mathematical scales of misery.
For the third year in a row, Seattle has retained its perch at the summit of Mount McCrapply. And it would appear that until we either get our basketball team back or win a championship (other than in women's sports), we may be stuck there for quite a while--if, of course, you give a shit about what some magazine says.
So how did Forbes come up with its most-miserable list?
We scored each city on the number of times one of its teams has lost in the postseason, adjusting the misery points to give the most weight to losing in the final round (World Series, Super Bowl, NBA Final, Stanley Cup Final) and doling out progressively fewer points for losing earlier playoff rounds. We also factored in the number of years since each city's last title (31 for Seattle), and the ratio of each city's cumulative seasons to championships won (Atlanta, for instance, has compiled 153 MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL seasons while winning one championship, the 1995 Braves). And to keep the playing field even, we limited the contenders to cities with at least 75 cumulative seasons in the four major sports leagues.
We also tacked on a bonus point whenever a city loses a team to greener pastures. The loss of its NBA club was just enough to nudge Seattle past Atlanta, a city with one sports title in 153 cumulative seasons, to the top of the misery list.
After Atlanta the next most miserable cities are: Buffalo, San Diego, Houston, Kansas City, Cleveland, Denver, and Cincinnati.
Fortunately, doing anything other than watching sports in Seattle is better than any of those cities. Plus, Marshawn Lynch's Beastquake alone made the 2010 season a win in my book (or that's what I keep telling myself anyway).