Michelle D. Hawn handles a mean Dirt Devil.
In fact, the 37-year-old lass is now headed to jail for 15 months after pleading guilty to a second-degree assault charge for coming home in a drunken, jealous haze and beating her boyfriend unconscious with that most trusted brand in vacuum appliances.
As The Columbian reports Hawn described to police how she'd been fighting with her ex about "infidelity issues" in their Vancouver, Wash., trailer home when she freaked out and started beating him over the head with the vacuum in a motion "like a toilet plunger."
By the time police arrived the victim, Todd Proetel, was unconscious in a pool of his own blood.
With true class, Hawn had tried to pin the blame on her man--after knocking him out cold, she ran to a friend's house and told them "Todd beat me up!" But she had no bruises and no other evidence of abuse when officers checked her out, and eventually her story unraveled and she admitted that she had just been wasted and went off the deep end.
In pleading guilty to the second-degree charge Hawn avoided a longer sentence than the first-degree charge she would have faced on trial. And if she'd only used her hands to whoop Proetel's ass, she would have been facing at least six months less time behind bars, because a Dirt Devil is considered a deadly weapon.
Hawn's lawyer, Susan Stauffer, argued for leniency because her client suffers from bipolar disorder and has a low tolerance for alcohol--both of which came into play on the night of Aug. 3, 2010.
Proetel, meanwhile, is likely glad his girlfriend wasn't having the carpets steam-cleaned that day.