"Hot" Brandon Burnett, 26, in a gown and mortarboard, appears in his picture to have just graduated from something. Small-time crime, maybe? Court records show the Walla Walla inmate worked up from theft to forgery, then assault. But stir makes him lonely, so "I'm looking for a woman," he writes on HotPrisonPals.com, an inmate/outmate website. "I have no expectations of you, and only ask that you judge me for who I am." Hard to do since he didn't mention he's a repeat Snohomish bank robber doing 10 years. Then again, HotPrisonPals doesn't say whether its photo of Mickey Mantle's penis is real, either.
That leaves every pen pal for him or herself when choosing to write to inmates. It can sometimes be a beneficial relationship for those inside and out--particularly for the cons whose new wives sometimes break them out of prison. But mostly it's one big pinata.
Oregon inmate Anthony Satell (left) never mentions whatever it is he's in for, unless mania is a crime:
"Once while in the Amazon basin, I saved a small village from a ferocious horde of army ants using only a hoe and a small glass of water." He can also pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed and cook 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes.
"I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. I once discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down."
Satell is a free man next year. If you want to give him (or dozens of other inmates) a chance, go here. If you're into white shoes, go here.