Single people who don't want to sit home alone in misery this Valentine's Day, but instead want to take their wretchedness public, can check out Hotel Max's "Anti-Love Package." For $389 you get everything you need to feel loved . . . by an inflatable and/or vibrating companion.
Singles and friends will embrace this holiday with a blow-up doll named John (nice enough to bring home to mom!), a copy of Chicken Soup for the Single Soul, Pussycat Dolls CD (yay for female independence!), a Max vibrator, VIP gift certificate to Seattle's single club Pink, in-room movie, cocktails ($20 food and beverage voucher for Red Fin), valet parking and a comfy room for the evening.
There's something about being brought a blow-up doll and vibrator in a fancy hotel room on Valentine's Day and told to substitute it for a real person that somehow makes it seem more depressing.
Of course, those don't come with downtown accommodations, club vouchers, or the book and CD. But at least you won't have to look the bellhop in the eye when he brings you an inflatable person to have sex with.
Plus, for a couple hundred more dollars, you could probably just get a prostitute.