Ronald Keller, Oak Harbor Bad Santa, Allegedly Chokes Wife, Smashes Home When Guest Doesn't Show Up for Christmas Party

Whoever didn't show up for Ronald Keller's Christmas party better feel pretty terrible about himself. You knew it meant the world to him. You knew he was an unstable individual who may very well trash his double-wide trailer and choke his wife if everyone didn't show. Well, now look what you did.

As the Whidbey News-Times reports Wednesday, Oak Harbor Police announced details of the Christmastime rampage involving Mr. Keller, a 45-year-old resident of a local trailer park there.

Police say that when an expected guest didn't arrive at his party on Christmas Day, Keller flew into a rage, breaking a large flat-screen TV then choking his wife.

When police showed up, Keller said it was his wife who threw a telephone at the TV and broke it, and that he didn't choke her.

Prosecutors seem certain enough he's lying that they've charged him with second-degree assault.

Whatever. People just better show up for his birthday party later this year, or else it's wife-choking time again.

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