Adam S. Wilgus drives a Mercedes-Benz. He also loooooooves ice-cream cake. You know, the kind with ooey-gooey chocolate, vanilla, fudge, and delectable cookie crumbles? So one might think that somewhere in his fancy car--under the seats, in the glove box, maybe--he might find $24 to buy such a cake from Dairy Queen. If so, they'd be wrong.
The Bellingham Heraldreports today that Wilgus was busted not far from a Bellingham Dairy Queen after a customer supposedly saw him sneak off with a 10-inch scrumdiddlyumptious cake, toss it in his Benzo, then escape.
Perhaps 's most incredible, however, is that between the time he took the cake and the time officers found him parked in a driveway not long after, he'd apparently eaten the entire thing.
Wilgus, who was sitting inside the car, told officers he didn't have enough money to pay for the cake and was hungry. He also told officers he had eaten the cake while he was driving and had thrown the box out the window . . .
According to Dairy Queen's website, an 10-inch Chocolate Xtreme Blizzard Cake has 10 slices and contains enough calories to sustain a small herd of caribou for around a week.
370 grams of fat (250 of them saturated).
400 milligrams of cholesterol.
4,400 milligrams of sodium.
760 grams of sugar.
And that's without any measurement of brain freeze.
Personally, I think he should be let go just to see if he can recreate such a feat again.
Maybe in a head-to-head match with famed gastronomical juggernaut and Seattle Weekly Editor-in-Chief Mike Seely.