Twenty-three-year-old Pennsylvania mother-of-two Carrie Harkness really liked her date . I mean, she really, really, really, really, really liked her date. In fact, she liked


Today in Sex: What's the Most Awesome Thing You Ever Did to Impress a Date?

Twenty-three-year-old Pennsylvania mother-of-two Carrie Harkness really liked her date. I mean, she really, really, really, really, really liked her date. In fact, she liked him so much that while they were shopping their local convenience store--no doubt hoping to pick up some brewskis--she opened up the walk-in freezer, popped a squat and took a pee. Classy! No word on how her date felt about Carrie's free-wheeling pee-play, but the store workers were pissed. They had Carrie arrested and now she's on the hook for $508 worth of urine-soaked baked goods and who knows if her date will ever forgive her. But lest we judge Carrie too harshly, think back to your own life. Haven't you ever made a bold move, thinking you'd impress someone only to have it come back and bite you in the ass? (Or pee down your leg?) I certainly have. . . .

There was the time I assured the foxy musician I was seeing that I was a vegetarian while the fresh scent of delicious roast beef sandwich still lingered on my tongue. Or the time I started quoting Foucault to a dude who'd actually read (and comprehended) Foucault. Though neither are of those examples are as bad as the guy who pretended to be British for our entire month-long relationship--complete with faux accent and Union-Jack briefs. Believe me, it gets more excruciating from there and since I don't want to spend my Christmas strolling red-faced down memory lane, I asked other people to share their exercises in humiliation--

  • We were at a cheesy restaurant and he handed me a rose and said, "would it help if I told you I loved you so much I can't shit?"
  • I once me up with a girl over that had contacted me on know, back when it was cool and... crazy. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but after a few drinks, she whipped out a giant dildo and said "if you let me shove this in your ass, I'll let you do whatever you want to me." Needless to say, I let her!
  • I had a guy on a date hand me a sheet of paper with his HIV-negative test results on it.
  • I ended up at a party with my date and joints were going around. I know weed makes me trip ovaries and I avoid it like the plague. But he takes a puff and I think what the heck--I feel sober and grounded, maybe this time one hit won't be such a big deal. I end up crouched in a corner with high-speed movies driving through my brain while simultaneously everything around me is in slow motion. People keep asking me if I am OK and I am unable to form words because it feels like 20 minutes between each word, and then I forget what they are saying. Meanwhile Kali, the Hindu goddess of Destruction is appearing before me telling me I am going to die and its my own fault. The rest of the party is spent with me leaning against a wall with my eyes closed. I was just trying to be friendly and not come off as a Nancy Reagan. Now I don't care. I just say no.
  • On my first real date with my now-husband he took me out for a fancy dinner. I was really nervous and at the end i ordered a coffee (now i just order another round--how times have changed). This being a fancy restaurant they had the salt in the bowls w/ the little spoons. I thought it was sugar. I poured three heaping spoonfuls in and took a sip. I felt bad that i ordered a $4 cup of coffee so I quietly drank it acting like nothing was wrong. Gross.
  • I knew he worshipped prince and so I bought this outfit that one of prince's girls at the time wore in the video and showed up at one of his shows. I styled it exactly the same!
  • Back in high school I wanted to date this guy who was 24 . . . we worked at the same record store. I would read Nietzsche's, Twilight of the Idols in the backroom, so he could catch me and see that I was an "intellectual" I did wind up dating him, but it was obvious why--he wanted a beard for his family.
  • I once had a date where I spent the majority of the time trying to explain to the dude that he was getting played by his stripper ex-girlfriend. i guess i wasn't really trying to make a good impression at that point--but was totally sucked into the white trash intrigue.
  • I pretended I was really good at mountain biking and my new guy took me seriously. Now this guy was totally competitive so as a novice he decided it would be cool to go down the face of a mountain. As a clueless girl I followed. Thank God he flipped over the handlebars about 50 feet down the mountain. He broke his collarbone but I could have broken a nail!
  • Think you've done better? (Or worse?) Leave 'em in the comments.

    comments powered by Disqus

    Friends to Follow