That loud gasping noise you heard earlier this week was the world's collective surprise when researchers at Brigham Young University released the results of a study claiming that couples who waited until they were married to make the beast with two backs had much happier unions than couples who engaged in fucky-fuck before putting a ring on it. Next thing you know, they'll be saying booze will make you poor and sick and naughty movies pollute your mind.
Analysis of the results suggested there were rewards for not getting physical too fast. Compared with those having sex early, couples who waited until they were married rated the stability of their relationships 22 per cent higher. They also claimed 20 per cent increased levels of relationship satisfaction, 12 per cent better communication and 15 per cent improved "sexual quality". The findings appear in the Journal of Family Psychology.
Hmm. Now were these 2,000 fellow Mormons? Because deeply religious people being questioned by scholars from a church-affiliated school would certainly be inclined to be completely honest, even if they'd committed a grave sin against their religion, right? Puh-lease.
BYU professor Dean Busby, the man in charge of the study did have a few good points, saying, "There's more to a relationship than sex, but we did find that those who waited longer were happier with the sexual aspect of their relationship. I think it's because they've learned to talk and have the skills to work with issues that come up."
While it's true that the better you know someone, the more comfortable you are telling them what you like, what you loathe, and where exactly they should put that thing, but since when does that equate to marriage? By that logic, most gay people are destined to lead lives filled with mediocre sex because they're not allowed to marry . . . in great part (at least in California) due to the meddling (and money) of the Mormon church.
So while I'll look to the LDS peeps when I'm in the market for incredibly unflattering undergarments, Mormon-funded sex research has about as much merit as the Pope's pick for best abortion provider.