Today in Sex: Putting the Erection in Election Day

British actor/comedian Stephen Fry caused a big stink recently when he told a magazine that straight women don't actually enjoy sex, but only reluctantly perform the act "because sex is the price they are willing to pay for a relationship." (Actually, I'd say it's quite the opposite: we're much more likely to put up with a guy who knows his way around a clitoris.) That a gay comedian with presumably limited— if any— experience with a lady's bits would make such a misguided blanket generalization is kind of dumb. His reasoning—you don't see women sniffing around for cock in parks and public bathrooms.

Oh, that.

First of all, Mr. Fry, most of the bawdy broads I know have engaged in the occasional one-night stand and yes, some have even done so out of doors. (Raising my hand in the air for that one.)

Unfortunately, it's a sad fact of life that random sex with strangers is a lot more fraught with danger for a straight woman than it is for a man of any persuasion. What if the guy we've met in the bushes decides he doesn't want to use a condom? Or has decided that he's going to fuck us up the ass regardless of whether or not we think that's a good idea? Because men are generally physically stronger than women, we're at a disadvantage should any disagreements in protocol come up. And yes, I realize gay guys get beat up while out cruising too, but a Kevin Spacey has a better chance of defending himself against another man than most women would.

While I'm not crazy enough to believe that homosexuality means you're automatically not cockeyed when it comes to attitudes on sex, straight guys are far more likely to operate using a double standard. They're studs when they fuck around—yet you go ahead and fuck them and you're labeled a slut. This attitude can manifest in very unpleasant, and dangerous, ways. (See also, murder, assault, date rape, STIs, unwanted pregnancy.) Then there's the societal pressures to be the keepers of the virtue. Damned if we do and fucked if we don't.

Stephen Fry swears he was misquoted, but given that his trophy boyfriend is less than half his age, I'm sure he's just riding that midlife crisis it-still-works testosterone high. As all the blood seems to have left his brain in favor of his boner, I'm willing to forgive his ignorance this time. Besides, he's so upset with the backlash, he's made the ultimate social media sacrifice and closed down his Twitter account.

As for my fellow sex-loathing ladies—if you feel like celebrating what looks to be an otherwise bleak election day, get thee to Babeland, tell them you voted, and leave with a free Magic Bullet Vibrator. Sure, it's not some handsome random you met in a public toilet, but at least a vibrator won't give you herpes or bush burn.

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